Pre~dating Exclusively agreement!
PRE DATING EXCLUSIVELY AGREEMENT....
(our my comments)
1. Before I agree to date you and only you, you must read and agree to all statements in this contract. By signing this you take full responsibility to ensure all rules are followed. By not signing this agreement, dating exclusively is null and void. This contract is NON-NEGOTIABLE!
2. If you stop insulting Nascar racing and concede that it is a real sport, that it takes talent and skill, I will stop calling your WWE wrestling a bad soap opera with untalented actors. However, I won't stop thinking it.
3. If you take a genuine interest in racing, I will be more than happy to help you gain an intimate understanding of the sport.
4. Events and activities are to be planned AROUND NASCAR races. So learn the race schedule. Under special circumstances, this may not apply, However, If I will miss a race, it must be taped using TWO VCRs (just in case one fails). NO special circumstances will be considered for the following races: Daytona 500, either race at Talladega and the Bristol night race! If I am not watching them via satellite then I will be at the track watching them.
5. You already know the normal holidays.....Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving. I have 2 other holidays: Speed Weeks and Daytona. These holidays WILL be observed! (All vacation days will be consumed with Nascar events. ) (If you want a tropical vacation, Nascar stops over in Miami. If you want a destination in the snow, Bristol has a likely hood.)
6. During a race I DO NOT accept phone calls. No matter how many times you call.... I will NOT answer.
7. If we are watching a race together...please observe the following rules: Do not touch the remote, television, receiver, or VCR. Doing so will result in serious injury or worse. Do not talk during the race...Duct tape will be used if necessary. You must sit a minimum of five feet away from me. This is partially for your own safety. If you are in a romantic mood, don't attempt to share it with me. Take a cold shower until the race is over. (If you really want to make points with me, make sure there is a cold one in my hand at all time. Caution shots are greatly appreciated. More than likely the romantic mood will hit me after I'm a little tipsy... If Mark Martin wins... Get ready !)
8. While couples usually share things, there are some things that are off limits. My racing apparel is off limits....DO NOT TOUCH IT! (These things are sacred and are only deserving of those who appreciate them.)
9. While you may find Jamaica a romantic vacation spot, I find Bristol, Talladega, Charlotte, and anywhere that has race shops or tracks romantic spots. (There is nothing better than the smell of exhaust!!! If that doesn't get a gal hot and bothered, you've got the wrong gal! Likewise, there is all kinds of romance to be had in a tent!)
10. When I take my vacation, I will be visiting one or more of the places mentioned above. You don't expect me to go deer hunting, and I don't expect you to spend the day at Ginn Racing. ( I actually like to hunt, but only in the Nascar off season!!!)
11. If we break up and there is stuff to be divided, you can have back anything you gave me with the exception of any racing related items. You may keep anything I gave you, with the exception of racing related items. (You are entitled to any Hendricks/Bush brothers things. If you don't take them, I will burn them)
12. In the event we move in together, I will require one room to display my NASCAR stuff....The smallest room will not be acceptable. (I hold full desecration of the contents. No rainbow warrior stuff-in the event of a mixed relationship- will be tolerated in my presence)
13. If it comes down to a choice between you and racing......racing will win. (Don't try it.... No amount of love is greater than that of racing.... You will fail miserably)
14. If the opportunity arises that I can get tickets to the Bristol race under the lights, complete with garage access, I will do anything for them. If it requires your assistance, you will do anything to ensure I get them.
15. If it comes down to a choice between you and Mark Martin....Mark wins! ( And why this has to be a written rule? It should just be common sense!)
By signing below, you have read and agreed to all terms set forth in this contract. Please know that there may be additions to this contract at any time.
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