This is a brilliant tongue in cheek dig at people who wish to cause total neuroses and who send Chain Mail.
WRITTEN BY ANON. (Whoever anon is)
Dear All:
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year.
I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat s**t in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope
that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program....
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died in
testate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,207 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward the email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of somebody's concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gas without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl into my back seat while I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by somebody waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way ... a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ's who have infrequent sexual activiy always read their emails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Author Unknown THE END. +++++
Thank you my Invisible Friend, you made me smile at the absurdity of one person who never knows when to stop. Probably a childhood issue.
MY OBSERVATIONS
Lucky for me I am not neurotic although admit that I never open envelopes with my fingers - due to people licking the glue. YUK.
As for licking envelopes to seal them, well mine are self-stick but even so they usually require sticky tape.
Wipe tin lids, that makes sense anyway.
Toilet seats, check out your local public ladies and that would make anyone cross their legs.
