I've thought a lot about popularity lately. It came up when I was thinking about crushes and during a discussion I had with co-workers about high school, plus I've been listening a lot to the song High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup.
So, what defines popularity? Why are some people "popular," and others are not?
I was not. *grin* I totally admit it. Whatever indefinable thing makes someone a "popular" person, I didn't have it. I was shy, awkward, vulnerable, and too smart, with bad eyesight and a mother who made my clothes (all huge handicaps in the pecking order). The years between "I'll play with any kid around" and junior high, I was at the bottom of the pecking order.
And it's interesting that those kids who were "popular" back in elementary school, stayed "popular" through high school, for the most part. What did those kids have that defined them as "popular" as early as 2nd or 3rd grade? Confidence (or at least the ability to fake it), ease with social situations, parents who bought you "the right clothes?"
Things improved for me when I got to junior high, because the junior high was comprised of four different elementary schools, and there were other kids there who had the same problems I did. We bonded, and by high school, I was part of a whole crowd of people. I had lots of friends, and I was happy. Still insecure, of course, but who isn't in high school?
That said, I was never "popular." Hell, I don't even know why the kids that were labeled "popular" were. Most of them weren't very nice to anyone that wasn't in their group. They were the jocks, the cheerleaders, and somehow that defines someone as popular in high school. In fact, they were exclusionist and downright cruel to people. But somehow everyone knew they were the "popular" kids. (To a certain point -- my school did rebel, and for Prom King and Queen, we voted for people who were friendly to everyone and not part of the jock/cheerleader crowd.)
So, now we're adults. And how much have things really changed? When you look at a place like CherryTap, who becomes popular? Mostly it's the good-looking, the confident. What makes them, in particular, popular?
I like myself. I'm happy with who I am. And sometime in my teens, I decided "I'm going to be who I am, and if they don't like me, fuck 'em" would be my life philosophy. A philosophy I still follow. I have friends, and a great life. And generally, in a crowd of my friends, I'm one of the ones that people are looking to, who's the center of attention and adoration.
But, when I'm in a group of people that aren't all my friends, I always feel, to a certain extent, like I'm never going to be "popular." There are always people in every group that are the ones that are sought after, wanted, adored, and outside of my group of friends, I'm just not that person. But, why not? Why do I never feel that way? How much of my insecurity in a crowd of relative strangers arises from childhood popularity issues? How much of it is little insecure parts of me shrinking back and saying, 'I'm never going to be that person?" And how much of my insecurity, my feeling that I'm never "popular enough," is distortion of the situation caused by the influence of that childhood pecking order?
In the end, how much of our perception of ourselves will be forever influenced by the social strata of our childhood? Do we ever really leave high school, in the end? :)
