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Ahhh sometimes I wonder what is the point of bringing down the walls of your heart and letting people in...... if all your going to do is worry and stress about everything and anything that comes around. Damn I must be messed up to be stressing myself about things that I have no control over, I mean I am always finding things about a relationship that could be wrong, naturally find faults. Man does that just ruin everything lol. What is the point of loving someone is you are always feeling that you cant completely trust them. I sit awake many of nite thinking about what could be, what might be happening and causing myself to go insane with all the possiblities of how things are going to turn out. Sometimes I start to think that maybe I should just close myself off and not care about anyone. It hurts to much the way I am stressing about the unknown......and I know its stupid, guess just the type of person I am, I like to know whats going. Sitting her listening to music most of the nite and my mind is overwhelmed with everything, most of the time I am just crying cause I dont know what to do anymore...... I really dont have anyone to talk to about everything, no one can be an outside view, everyone wants to give me the whole..."this is what you should do" I dont want you to tell me what to do, I just want someone to listen and understand why I have these concerns. But no one is like that I guess. Even the closest friends I have just tell me what to do. I am tired of it. Day by day it gets worse the thoughts become more and more and the truth is I find it so hard to trust anyone anymore. So many people have lied to me, so many have did what they said they wouldnt. I dont want to change people, you are who you are but I just wish for once I could find someone who was 100% completely open and honest with me.......but at last there is no such person, everyone bends all information to what they want others to view it as. -If you are reading this and you dont like what Im saying or think anything badly about me then just stop reading and go away..... this is my blog and a place where I can ramble on about stuff that dont make sense to anyone but me.- Two things in life that would make it so much easier to live.... 1. To know about everything the person you love does, not to be controling but to know what they are doing, saying, telling others. 2. To one day find someone I can trust completely....probably never gonna happen but hey Ive got wishful thinking lol. Anyways I think im about done bitching and having random thoughts to put down. I find writing is an easy way to get somethings out lol plus it doesnt talk back to you lol.
