Phoenix's blog: "Poetry"

I'm thinking of you today... thinking of how much i miss you and wishing you was with me, I'm thinking about the closeness we share and all the good times we've spent together. Of course memories will never be as good as having you at my side but they help me feel a little closer to you, while we are apart. I can't imagine anything.... I'd enjoy more, than being with you right now... because everything in my life has meaning when I'm sharing it with you. You're SO important to me, and that's a feeling; that neither time nor distance will ever change. When we're apart,I realize even more how much I APPRECIATE YOU! how happy i always am when we are together; I remember how happy you was too.... That BEAUTIFUL SMILE. I'm wishing for that same kind of happiness today. I want to share in that beauty with you once again... Because I care so much about you. Please remember that... and as you go about your day, Please REMEMBER, Too.... How much "I LOVE YOU" How much "I MISS YOU" and that my love for you is real, true and unconditional. I'm always here for you and I'll be waiting. Phoenix

I've been crying out in the dark for my own hand this you know, by the way angry rivers flow, like a blind man I could find my way back here; with open or closed eyes! From where I sit, to where it is you stand a jaw clinched tight... I run my fingers over your faces. I would say rest in peace! The ones who said they love me, the ones whom are Now; NO WHERE to be found. You have been laid to rest; by the way your heart is NO longer beating. I've cried out for the last time, For my own hand like a man scorned, let drinks cascade from my mouth to drain my heart; I turn my tounge to fire. and shoot cupid in the knee cap. I shall die alone... without a bride to hold me with arms so soft; without a home to call me there. Strike me drunk once again, or weed me out from those who do Not wish to be Saved... deliver me; and let the Vodka run dry!!

It does not depend on "Luck" It depends on what we do with it, how we approach it... how we distinguish between wants and needs-- and most of all... how much of ourselves we put into it, Into making it better not only for ourselves but for whom we share in it with. "LOVE" the awareness of it is usually unknown the sounds of it around us; is what calls us to life beyond understanding, beyond indifference, and beyond unconcern... Love reminds us to live. This is the time when the parts of us, that are so fragile... become most vulnerable; recollection of past moments and the tears. This is the time you look for hope, relieve yourself of all doubt... It is the time to resurrect the words, "I LOVE YOU" and let it take on a new kind of meaning. Yes, because it never dies “True Love" it goes on living in us. Love seems so cruel, so purposeless at times, but it's not. Love is what alerts two lovers to life--- just when we have grown tired of it ourselves, perhaps, or worse yet... "WE ARE SIMPLY UNAWARE OF IT AT ALL" Phoenix

She lies on her side her curves a silhouette so golden. her hair so black, only lightend by the heat of the sun. the sent of her hair is as if the dew of a honeysuckle lay on her sweet neck. Her breast a soft brown and her lips you only dream to kiss. Ah, she is beautiful here in the sun where she lies. She is not like the incompetent girls, who's nakedness is only to hide the truth... nor is she like the painted girls from home, where the rain only washes there beauty away. She is of the west land and the sunlight; The west land of the people of the tribes--- where the people are one with the earth. The wind blows here where she lies; the trees and the prairie grass: standing tall in great meadows they roll on the wind all the way from the Dakotas to Indiana. I feel myself longing to be a part of the western wind and devoured by her land. Under her knees I would be; the green grass of comfort... under her smooth thighs I would give a soft touch to where she lies. and her belly I would curess with a cool breeze as I lust to be that bead of sweat flickering in the sunlight. Ah, she lies on her back, so beautiful; her frame arched toward the sun. As if a sacrifice to her God. Oh, what I would sacrifice to be just one ray of light, Honored to lay touch to one inch of her body. She lies there so still, skin so golden her hair flows down from her face... her essence fills the air: a musky honeysuckle on a steady breeze She has soft brown breast, and lips you only dream to kiss. Phoenix

"A good Saturday." it was to be that day. the day I heard of her unfaithfulness and her crime, When she killed me in my pity, when she killed me in my prime. With firey anger, I somehow remained calm--- All my yearning for her was emptied from my heart and not filled. How can I redeem our love, from the evil-willed? And after being pushed aside, I am to be kind. But they killed me in my kindness, in thier madness and thier blindness and they killed me from behind. There is sobbing in eye's, caused by her wrongs. And a long silence where we stand; but in her weeping. I bare an iron hand, I must beware of her weeping.--- cause what they've done they do not understand. As I lie in my own blood;--- The Lord in my face. they killed me,yet I'm to be the forgiver?--- The avenger takes my place, the avenger takes her from me. 'cause it was her I could not set free. Those in righteousness would not do such a thing. they would do as God would call them to. And my death would not be upon thier hands. For they killed me in my kindness In thier madness and thier blindness... and now my blood is on thier hands---cause; What they have done they do not understand. Phoenix

If you was to walk a mile in my shoes... I would have to walk beside you... barefoot and unclothed; not to protect you from the world,but from me. In some places, I would have to shield you from harms way. Explain things you could never understand, maybe even rephrase things Imay say or just be there to hold your hand. The emotions I feel may over welm your heart, so take a deep breath, and remember I am here. I have seen death with my own two eyes, felt the pain of a thousand men and at one point wore a mask as a discise. I have seen babies be born, the beauty in that no words could ever describe... And of that I have been warned, but learned from it; You can not hide. I have suffered the physical and the mental abuse... I was told life is not fair, but to do that to others, there is no excuse. As you walk you will see how much I care. You will feel the pain I have felt, the agony in tears that have ran dry. You will see happiness in hate and the suffering in love and what it is like to want to die. But you will find strength within, you will find beauty in unfamilure places; you will find it's in us all to sin.- Because we all have two faces. So, walk long no matter how weak, stay strong, and---- You will find what I seak. Phoenix

I am the knight that come's to you in the dark. I am who you see in your dreams,I am the cause of the sinsation just before you wake. I am what makes you want to rush back to sleep; in hopes that I will finish what I have started. As you fall asleep; It is your lust for me, that keeps you from satisfying yourself. the way i touch you makes your rivers flood,and your gasp for air,are only pleas for more. Your heart beats faster and faster and sweat soils the sheets beneath your thighs... with a manly force, I turn up the heat from the inside out. And in my final trust,your fingernails embeded in the sheets- and my explosive release. is what causes you to scream... As you take a deep breath, you open your eyes only to look into mine, and hear me say... I love you. Pheonix

My heart beats a little slower today... I don't know why: I just want to cry... ... Why won't these feelings just go away? These shadows that life has cast upon me, no longer will I let them beat me down. The insanity of the man behind the mask- no longer laughs at me,In the mirror it is I,- I see; and I laugh in my own face, as I frown. No one and I mean no one good nor evil... shall destroy what faith i have in my heart, for I have found my true self, and where I belong in this sick repulsive world, I know where I end and where I start. I know right from wrong, and the fact that- I have emotions: I can love,I can hate, I do laugh and I do cry... let's me know that I--- "I AM A MAN" and if you are sane enough to hear my words I will tell you what I find truly obsured--- The real insanity lies in those who have to believe in something they can not see; cause' they no longer believe in themselves Insane is those who are lead to fear a higher power other than themselves. but I tell you my friend , Who I fear,--- It is I... For I hold the power to control it all... Pheonix