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XaviRamblinRose's blog: "poetry"

created on 05/12/2010  |  http://fubar.com/poetry/b332326  |  1 followers
I am an ocean... so deep is my soul... so deep is my pain... so deep is my journey... you can get lost in my waves... Don't let the tide drag you under... My love is an ocean like a million grains of sand... my feet are seashells they've travelled so far...yet they always find a shore to call home... The rocks are my legs all battered and bruised from my journey...but they still carry on bearing the weight of most of my body... My seeweed is my constantly changing feelings...Have you ever wish you weren't that b deep?... There are times I wish I was for a moment or two but then..I've learnt to love myself for who I am.. and I wouldn't want to regret.. because everything I've learnt has taught me a lesson of sorts... and with each step out of my comfort zone... I've grown ...

The perfect girl is gone 

In a glass palace not so far away 

Who was forced to be perfect every day.. 

Who was forced to smile 

and never allowed to frown.. 

Who wasnt allowed to cry .. 

Her only choice was to feign happieness.. 


But one day .. she got the strength and courage enough to walk away .. 

Now the that perfect girl is gone .. 

and the one that lives instead .. 

Is one who makes her own rules .. journies her own path .. 

Shes allowed to cry ..

if she wants to she can laugh 

She makes her own decisions.. 

The controling prince is gone .. 

And now is her is carrying on .. 


One step at a time she climbs the new mountain 

one step at a time 

she sees the new sights .. 

One step at a time .. She becomes able to realise her freedom 


The past is in the past .. 

the tear pillow is gone .. 

Only the sad memories sometimes linger on .. 

But time will do .. what time does .. 


She let go .. 

she let go of  the fairy tale

She reclaimed her soul 

She reclaimed her life 

The controling is forever gone.. 


The perfect girl is gone

only her scars remiain 

one day she''ll be smiling .. 

others she try to hide the pain .. 

She learnt to live in the moment 

To embrace all life has to give .. 

She gives her herself the reigns so that she might live 


Not only live .. 

But live with passion

Live with joy .. 

Live imperfectly ..

The perfect girl is gone

Dear God 

i love you so much .. 

I don't always understand what you want me to do .. 

but i try to follow your path .. 


Yet im stubborn .. 

Yet i'm impatient 

And i sin .. 

Yet you wash my clean of my sin .. 

You bathe me in yuor righteousness.. 


but i fall again .. 

I fall over and over 

 showing how human i am .. 


Sometimes its so hard to wait .. 

yet waiting is usually the best thing to do .. 

I walk a few steps.. then i pause .. then i walk few more 

My journey is long but im not alone .. 

Your right by my side 


You have taught me to love ... 

rather then hate .. 

 yuo have taught me to share rather then be greedy .. 

you have taught me so many things ... 

yet i still wish to learn more ... 

Dear God just help me be the best i can for you .. for myself for my daughter and all loved ones .. 

Best friend

my friend may be moving away soon .. 

I'm really both sad and happy at the same time .. 

i cant be selfish .. 

 But i know i'll miss her so much .. 

And al lthe others too .. thier like my family .. 

I wish i could go to .. 

states away .. 

but we'll find a way to stay in touch .. if they really do end up going .. 


I miss already just thinking about it .. 

God you are full of mystery .. 

its hard to understand why you bring people into my life and then take them out again so soon .. 


But Lord i'll trust in you 

Cause you know me better then i know myself .. 

I need to focus on me more .. again 

Life seems to pass as if the sand was in the hour glass .. 

and im just watching from a distance .. 


Time to kick my arse into gear 

time to take the next steps whatever they will be .. 

And choose to make chocies that will brings what we need the most .. 


And she'll never be totally gone 

we will always find a way to visit .. 

always find a way to show we share .. 

I refuse to wish them anything but happiness .. 

though my tears may fall as well 

So go best friend you have my blessing .. 

Waking up

I feel so sleepy , yet i'm awake ..

i wish there was another path to take 

i don't like meds .. 

but i could read a book .. 

i could write a poem .. 

i could draw a picture yet here i am 


I should be sleeping in an ideal world .. i could 

i could be sleeping that would feel so good .. 

the day just seems to drag arse ... when can't sleep much at all .. 

 i have to everything ... but just tired and slow .. 

coffee is friend .. sugar is my pal .. 

oh what it is to be an night owl .. 


i wish i could dream sweet memories tonight of my loved ones .. gone from my sight .. 

i wish i sleep long enough to restore .. 

all my body ... from all the days chores ... 


the next day hurts

My loved ones don't always understand it .. 

but its one of my many battles in this life .. 

But i can either use it for good or allow myself to get to lazy .. and sleep all the days away 

like a vamp in a coffin .. 

then i would miss so much ... 

So i sleep a bit here .. i sleep a bit there .. 

It could be worse i suppose lol 

but that's what i get for being a Night owl

Every Night 

I lay without you is agony ... 

i toss and turn .. 

without your arms around me holding me tight ... 

your beautiful words keep me warm at night .. 

Your my shining star , when im scared of the dark .. 


Your taking me on a journey into the unknown .. 

i'm scared but im no longer alone.. 

I dream of  us holding hands all through the night .. 

Waking in the morning ... feeding you breakfast in bed .. 

Whatever i do i can't get you out of my head .. 

I feel so happy when im around to i never want to leave ... 

Loving you .. craving you ... wanting you all rolled into one ... 


This isnt a one night stand 

the love i have for you is real ... 

Being in love .. i can't help but let the world know how i feel .. 

Your the one and only .. 

You have my love ....

No turning back now its begun ... 

Say youll be mine forever ... 

And that im the only one .. 

I love you to much to let go now .. 

The heat between us is like walking into the sun 

Say youll love me forever .. 

or just watch me come undone... 

Fort Hood 

i read the news last night .. and i heard about the shooting .. i said to myself .. wtf ... 

I'm so freaking mad ... 

I want those involved brought to justice .. 


How did this happen again ... 

i'm just so angry .. 


Didn't they sacrifice enough .. now you go and take thier lives .. 

Fuck you ... Wheres the respect ?... wheres the honour in that? ... 


All i can do is pray some good will come out of this tragedy ... 

I hate injustice !!!!!!!!!

Lost you 

One day i was all smiles ... not a thing to worry about .. 

then the next im flying home to say goodbye .. forever

its funny how life can change in a moment .. 

Its funny how your world can be turned upside down 


Its funny how .. you lose the one the love most in day .. 

and nothing seems the same again .. 

As the  waves of grief crash over you .. 

and you dont even always want to swim ... 

But you have to keep fighting  !

so u dont get dragged under ... 

Under the waves and crushed

 by their insensity of sorrow.. of pain and despair .. 

Crushed so that you wouldnt even care ... 

if the sun came out ... if the sky was blue .. 

nothing would matter but that pain to you ... 


You wont ever know this kind of pain till it happens to you .. 

I lost you .. 

I lost everything .. 

When i did .. 

I tried to me be .. 

but i couldnt be .. 

I needed you so much .. 

Long after you were gone .. 

but I lost you  to death .. 




Mum i miss you like it was yesterday . 

 i wish all these tears .. would just float away ..

I want to escape this pain .. but i can't.. 

I want to be held by your arms but i can't ... 

I want to call you .. but i cant .. 

No phonecalls in heaven .. 

But i see in my dreams sometimes .. we laugh .. we fight .. 

we shop.. and i remember things i thought were gone ... 


Mum i wish wed had more time .. 

 i was looking forward to traveling with you .. when i got older .. 

yet our path didnt cross the way i wanted them to ... 

I had to watch you die .. 

  I had to see you cry ... 

I had to say goodbye .. 

not just good bye ... for a day . or a month or a year .. 

but forevermore .. 


They dont take phonecalls in heaven ... 

I can't skype you there .. 

I 'd anything to see you again .. 

I miss you soo freakin much .. 

We were best freinds ... 

I love you Mum ... 


Your grand daughter is eleven now .. like almost two when you died .. 

You wouldn't beleive how amazing she is .. 

You'd melt if you saw her smile 

 Shes so smart and so sweet .. 

I'd do anything to give her time to visit you there .. 

But life isn't fair .. 

Tragedy strikes in a moment and and everything .. 

you know and love can be gone ... 

I miss you so freakin much Mum .. 


right now i wish i was back home .. putting Roses on your grave stone .. 

thats what you deserve .. but Mum i'm here writing to you .. 

And loving you as i always do .. 


I wish i could go and visit you .. 

 and stop for a cup of tea.. 

 i wish i could go and visit you .. when the greiving just gets too much .. 

 i misss your incredible warmness i miss your incredible touch .. 

I miss your laugh .. i miss your smile .. 

I even miss watching the news with you .. 

Mum id do anything to have you back ... 

I love you so much 

Love always Your Darling Briar Rose 


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