ARA's blog: "poetry"

What is this dream? These darkened days And lit up nights Ppl running about Chattering and screaming All nonsense to me They all seem To be chasing Things that matter not Or running from That which matters most Always in circles And seemingly Further down a spiral Lost love Destroyed friendships All from ignorance Or fear The darkened noon The spotlighted midnight A dream turned nightmare We all fear to share To open up We rarely dare STR 10-31-08 1:47 am

inside these tears continue to rain the realization of a loss so deep and so painful it only mounts with time building and swirling th realization that i most likely will never feel those arms that held me like no other or see the eyes that would turn me to butter never to kiss the one who holds my heart forever my pain is my own through no fault but mine i was confused i was a mess the world was spinning and i screwed up the one thing that mattered more than the rest i couldnt see clearly and ended up acting my own fool so now i sit alone drink in hand regreting something at last

Shadows dance outside My window The past months Dance macabre In my head The world And this thing called life Seem so fey And pointless Kerouac was right Existence is pain We hurt each other Even when we try not to And we end up Destroying Those we love Its all a twisted dance In the twilight As we sink further down This twilight weighs me down I find myself Looking forward To the darkness to come ---------------------------- Shattered and broken My heart No longer mine All I feel is the painfull Emptiness and loss I write these words And try to find some kind Of reason Only to see my Empty hole Right through the middle of me As I continue to bleed

I need this The words The terror The dismantling My mind screams for more The hands fail The words fly past I catch 2 out of 20 Yet ppl read this meandering nonsense My memories My fantasies The dementia trapped And surfacing All just more words And phrases Lines on a page And I still continue i should write more maybe but the word escapes and rapes me in its escape trapped in this world seeking the moment and that darkness that we all see the crashing and clashing continues on like a demented carnival ride blood flowing and spilling lives altered lived ended and it continues welcome to reality whatever version you have chosen or had foisted upon you we all have to deal with that and each other and the spiral deepens as the incline steeping running forward down? Up? Around? To ground The connections bend and break As they strengthen And anew Cracked souls Scream and continue to dream The shine And the dark And twisted gumbo Of life The strife a spice The barrier inches closer I can feel it rise from my minds core Waves of words wash onto me The body weak They get lost And come back It drives me crazy Sanity.... The refuge of the tame and scared STR 2:27 am 10-30-06

Lost words And floating poems Things thought But not written They become diasporas In the mind To mixed and mashed Later to become more Or less In some form redressed And confessed Sometimes cryptic Sometimes blunt But always on the hunt And searching For the word The meaning And the seeing Life spills across the page And onto screens Sometimes to be seen And demeaned Or reveled upon All just words And turns of phrase From another Lost in the maze Pieces of soul drip down Through the pen Glimmers and blurs Of life And strife And the fight against the knife STR 6:30 pm 1-30-05

Sickening twists Forgotten mists Nights in the loam Forever the mind roams And the fingers hit the keys Trying to report what the mind sees Drinks of whisky And darkened thoughts risky Droughts of liquor And loves succor Life rolls on an on Another night another morning sun Looking And digging For the word And the sword Whispers in my head As I prepare for my bed Forever the fight Forever the past's sights Another drink As the cat's bell clinks One more drink yes again I want it to rain Off with the lights A darkness bright Off to take a piss Water hitting waters hiss Off to bed And dreams in the color red STR 2:24am 12-23-04

............... Love em all Hate em all Yea that's right You heard me Humanity is like that . They have my love And my hatred How else can I put it? When it comes down to it Ppl suck Especially in groups More so the larger they get .. There are those in the world i do love More than others They have given me reason to do so In most cases Some I just love For no other reason than I have no choice The spirit Demands it It's in their eyes I cannot deny them ... The beauty The horror It's all there every day All around We ignore much And miss even more We blab on about useless crap And strive for meaningless objects And then call ourselves spiritual .... Every moment Every breath Every kiss And embrace Are gifts to cherish Every sunset And sunrise Every rain Every sunny day All the green in spring And all the colors that come with Are gifts to cherish ..... We get lost in the cold grey And the tar black As we rush And pose And ignore Life's prose And muse ...... In the dark each night Many hide And others cower While the weakest of spirit Amongst us Thrive And glower They feel their power Violence And blood As they take Others food And cash With force And without redress ....... We claim divine right And gods upon our side As we saddle up On our horses To ride But in this I only can see Four horses true They ride regardless Thru time They care not For whom you pray Or to They are just a steady part In this cosmic play ........ Don't mind me I just babble Here in the corner With my flask of scotch And my ciggs Watching it all And snapping twigs I get sick of it all from time to time And act like a beast To some poor Ignorant souls ......... Worlds apart We all are Even when sitting In the same car Or drinking an same bar Regardless of how close We must still forge ahead Essentially alone The allies and friends Can lend support But we must Still run the mile ourselves Until the time of the silent bells And ending of this mortal jail .......... In the meantime Lets us drink And carouse And have our fun Or so it's called And packaged Till our bodies are ravaged All in the name of Ignoring That which we already know Deep within ........... Blending And bending This way And that way In the name Of this silly play Day by day Night by night Year by year On into the future And past Every moment a repast And clinging to a ships mast ............ Spiraling off Into the night Off to the fight Of sleep And dreaming And other meaning We all die a small bit Each day Wiling away our time Contemplating life's crime Till once more We back into The grime ................ Splitting words And hairs All for things We supposedly Have cares for And off to chores And bores That we seem To have time for Just join me Here On my floor Have a smoke And a drink Let our glasses clink For tomorrow it Will all the more ................. STR 3:27am 6-13-05

Under my hat I have thoughts Things kept to me Things that scare me Things that drive me Untold things Unreal things Every moment is a question Every thought an puzzle Red splashes and car crashes As the mind smashes And thoughts clash Been told I am not so sane But what is sane? Is it swallowing the tripe Our society spews upon us? How can that be sanity It's full of disdain and hate Sex and darkness All for the mighty gold coin So that we might Buy some other useless toy Grappling with the darkness The blood The hate The unruly Thoughts It all haunts And twists And hits deep What will this reap

Lights in the distance Screams of resistance Through my head the dreams continue Like runaway logs jumped from the flue Images of horror Coupled with humor Mine eyes have gathered the darkness And my mind turns restless Unreal images of life And distorted tableau of strife The death of innocents The mourning of lives spent Fires and explosions rend And the images bend and blend The fogs clear again As falls a misting rain Standing in a field of black roses A voice says "everyone eventually loses" Orange and blue flame sweep the field My eyes stay open to see what’s next revealed Standing on a plain of dark glass Strange colors in the sky and jumbled shapes in the distance I awake with a start Hearing only the beating of my heart

rain falling hard upon my window the drops making a symphony of sound the sound of life natures knife cutting through the soil wearing on the rock while giving life water to the trees water to the soil as it cuts life immortal the cycle begins anew