If you only knew's blog: "Poetry"

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I try so hard to escape my past.

I wish everyday that these feelings won’t last.

I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of sorrows.

Fighting to swim to see tomorrow.

My will to fight fades more every day.

All the beautiful things now seem so gray.

Searching for something that I can’t find.

Feeling like I’m losing my mind.

Will I make it back to where I was?

The happiness I remember is all a fuzz.

As I float in this sea alone,

My memories start to roam.

I’ve made it though this once before.

Now I pray I can make it once more.

When you wake up everyday, Wishing life would go away, Wishing you never saw the sun rise, Praying that you would never open your eyes. Whats the point of going on, When you realize youve been alone all along. You open your heart and care, And they treat you like you arent even there. Everyone you loved for so long, Gone! You ask Where did I go wrong? Everyone makes mistakes right? You now lose the will to fight, Fight for the life you once had, And wish that you wouldnt feel so sad. But now the pain is overwhelming, And you feel yourself succumbing, To the inevitable end, So this is goodbye my friend.

I dont want to let you go, Theres so much that I cant show, So much that I want to say, Too much to just throw away. I told you I would be by your side, But now these tears I cant hide. The tears wont stop flowing, I can see where this is going. As the days go by, Its harder and harder to try, To stay so strong, To pretend like nothings wrong. Its time to give up, Havent we both had enough? I have to let you go, But theres something you have to know. You will always be in my heart, Even though we are apart. Not a day will go by, That I will not cry. There will always be something missing, Like the feeling I got when we were kissing, And how safe I felt in your arms, You always did keep me safe from harm. So with these last words I say goodbye to you, This is the hardest thing to do but know, I will always love you!!!

These words come from the heart, Even though its breaking apart. I loved for so long, For someone who is now gone. If I could change the past, I would make it so we would last, Forever together till the day we die. But I cant no matter how hard I try. So now I live day by day, Wishing the pain would go away. There will always be this emptiness, For the love that I will always miss, For the man that made my world brand new, No matter what I will always love you.

We were together for so long, And the whole time we were so wrong. We lived a lie, YOUR FUCKING LIE! Thank god we finally said good bye! This whole thing was bullshit, It took me so long to realize it. I'm glad that we are done, Cause my life has just begun. I'm a new person because of you, I want to thank you for that too! I said in the past, That I wanted our love to last, That I would never love someone like you, That this would be so hard for me to do. Well I got something for you, Those were all lies too! This isn't hard for me. I'm so glad that I finally see, The asshole you really were! I finally found my cure, My cure to not being depressed, I just had to say goodbye to your ass! There won't be anymore tears, And I don't have to live in fear, Of the next thing I will do wrong. Something I have waited for, for so long. So with this I can finally say goodbye! Oh and by the way FUCK OFF AND DIE!

Just when I thought I was home free, Finally happy, where I wanted to be, You come waltzing in, And these feelings begin, And they grow and grow, And now I cant stop them so, Back to square one. Just when I felt I had finally won, Won the battle of a broke heart. I can already feel it breaking apart. But it's not like before, Now I know whats in store. Theres not as much pain, This time I'm actually sane. Your not an asshole like the rest. As a matter of fact you may have been the best. The best for me? Is this a possibility? I feel like I'm not meant for this, This thing called happiness. I get the slightest taste, And it gets erased. It could have been real, Me and you, how we feel. So many things stand in our way. How do we know if we are supposed to stay? I mean do we stay and fight, For something that may not be right? But than again we'll never really know, Cause we'll never get a chance to show, How we really feel in our hearts, If we dont allow this to start. Decisions to made. A path to be paved. Will it be alone or together? I guess it's now or never. It's time to decide, Wether your gonna stick it out for this ride.

How do you tell someone how much you care, And being without them is something that you can't bare? How do you tell them that they have changed you, And since they walked into your life everything seems brand new? How do you tell them that your sorry for what you've done, And not to let go when we have only just begun? How do you tell them that this just doesn't seem right, And that we shouldn't give up with out a fight? How do you tell them that when your in their arms everything is ok, And that you never want that feeling to go away? How do you tell them that you miss them more than they know, And that you care about them more than you may show?

Through all the struggles and all the pain, The love we have for each other still remains. Through all the good and all the bad, The thought of being with out you makes me sad. Till death do us part is what they say, And now I dream every night of that day! They have all tried to break us apart, It didn't work, they should have realized this from the start. All they did was make us stronger, Which will keep us together even longer! So I guess I should thank them all, For making sure that our love would not fall. Who would have thought, we were friends from the start, And what brought us together was our 2 broken hearts. 2 broken hearts now joined as one, Now we realize our lives have just begun!

If you love them, Let them go right?? Than what? Just wait? Just sit tight? The days turn to sleepless nights You regret giving up with out a fight. How could you let him walk away? You will regret this everyday. All the things that go through your head, All the things you wish you had said. Nothing makes a difference now. You will move on somehow That's what I'm told anyways The pain it comes and goes in waves I can't sleep cause with sleep comes dreams And in my dreams nothing is what it seems In my dreams I'm happy In my dreams I have a family In my dreams I feel whole In my dreams you never let me go! So I choose to stay awake And I face my fate But with every sleepless night that passes by I still can't figure out why? Or how? Or when? Or what went wrong? I mean it's not like we didn't get along! The times that we had together I will always treasure I held you above all the rest I wish I wasn't second best But everything happens for a reason So my wish for this lonely holiday season Is to find happiness and love And I know I will with help from above It's meant to be, just wait and see One day we will be together, you and me So I guess for now my dreams will have to do Cause in my dreams I am always with you!

As I lay here and wonder why? I try my hardest not to cry. I pray as well, For my heart to not swell, With the pain from the past, For feelings I hope will not last. Soon I see the sun rise, But only to my despise. Another day I have to push through, Another day alone with out you, Another fake smile, pretending to be ok. All leading to another night that I will pray, For the tears to stop falling, For my heart to stop calling, Calling out for someone whos not there, Reaching out for someone so unaware, Of the love that we had, Of why I feel so sad. So again I lay wondering why, And once again begin to cry.