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What are you waiting for?
Feeling all alone and utterly betrayed, not sure what is true and real anymore.
I sink deeper in my darkness with no apparent way to return.
Do I dare completely trust the feelings I fear inside or is it just cruel deception of the enemy that forever hides?
No one tries to understand the pain and hurt I feel inside, when all they think of is self.
Does anyone even really care what fear my mind can see?
Hope are built along with trust, just to be run over at the twisted whim of those that lie.
Compound fractures left in their wake as repairs are slowly made, just in time before the next big wave.
I am strong in spirit and soul you see but sometimes I feel lost deep inside.
Corruption can take hold of anyone and twist him or her into a monster that they never thought they would ever become.
Hurting those people around in little ways until the hurt and pain starts to grow and tear them all apart.
Lies are told even if only the small, to trample away the dreams of the future you hold dear.
What if......
If this was my last night on earth, would you really care?
If I slept and did not awake would you mourn my loss?
If I died today, would you care for my kids as if they were your own?
If I got sick, would you care for me?
If you need me, would you ever tell me?
If you really want me, would you tell me so?
If you were mad at me, would you lie and tell me that you're not?
If you promise me something, would you keep your word?
If I cried within the night, would you dry my tears?
If I need protecting, would you fight for me?
If I had a bad dream, would you comfort me?
If you really love me, would you ever leave me?
This was written awhile back when I was hurting and feeling unappreciated. (9/9/09)
I want so much to tell you how much I truely love you.
It seems hard at times just to find the words that will reach you.
Wondering at times if I am still getting through to you. I want so much to hold you and touch you.
It burns me deep within and grieves me when I can not make you see how much I need you.
Is this a wall between us that has risen and become an eyesore.
I long ago took a vow and made a pledge to always love you.
I shall forever remain at your side watching and waiting for you to return to me.
We have made it through much harder times than this and I do not plan on giving up on you.
Sitting here all alone I think of you,
wondering if you're also blue.
My days are hopeful for your return,
but the nights alone only torture me.
I am sorry of the situation that has taken me from you,
I only wish I could of made it all better for you baby.
I can not wait for the nights alone with you again,
holding and touching you in every way imaginable.
I feel the passion of your touch even through the miles that seperate us,
I only hope you know how much I miss your loving touch and the scent of you within my mind.
If what I am feeling is true then I think I am definately troubled,
I have a sort of seperation anxiety feeling without you near.
I do not know how much longer I can go without,
I feel so lost without you here.
I do not want to waste away and dissappear before your return,
not from lack of substances but from lack of your touch.
I am sorry that I hurt you and spoiled your fun,
I did not mean to make you cry.
I don’t blame you if you don’t want me anymore.
I never meant to stand in the way,
To make you feel all alone.
You are my light and joy,
My very reason to live.
I won’t blame you if you’ve changed your mind.
I wanted to give you the world,
Everything you desire.
I hoped that I was everything you wanted or ever needed.
I won’t blame you if you only wanted me in lust.
You’ve given me more joy than I could ever hope for
and I will cherish that joy forever.
I won’t blame you if you chose to walk away.
I never thought I would find a love like yours,
Never thought those dreams were real.
I won’t blame you if you don’t love me anymore, but
I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
