Laureth's blog: "WARNING: Poetry Inside"

The Curse of The Blonde (TM)Original Poetry by Ivy, Laureth, Jan, whatever.... Written at 15: I wonder if this agony Will last for an eternity How can I learn to heal the pain So I may feel alive again? My ache runs deeper than my soul, The hurt that only you control, You, who caused me all my pain, Come and heal me once again. You won't be back, I know I'm right I'll never feel you hold me tight. I can tell by the look your eyes hold, Your love for me has grown stone cold. --------------------------------------- Twilight darkens my sleep I reach out to find you I find nothing instead Old dreams never die I wake with that feeling The hollow ache in my soul I long for your return Old dreams never die I put on my bright face Seeking love in many eyes They aren't enough Old dreams never die I live a shadow's life Each day runs into another Looking for my perfect lover Old dreams never die --------------------------------- To Anthony The night rushes to meet us, Remember how it used to wait? We laugh because we're together, And our love creates a light The sorrow rushes to meet us, You are crying, and so am I. Yet we remember we are timeless, And our love creates a light. The fear rushes to meet us, We exchange a glance and sigh. We know fear grows in darkness, And our live creates a light. The joy rushes to meet us, We've opened our hearts wide. Together we faced the darkness, And our love creates the light. ------------------------------------- And, "The Visit" Every so often you come Slipping in through my door I try hard not to notice When you creep across my floor Yet always, you find me And often I must scream "I didn't invite you!" It may just be a bad dream You know I try to bargain I've begged and I've hidden You never forget me And you won't be forbidden If I really thought about it I'd realize I need you Yet I can't help but wonder If we might start anew But moon and stars keep shining And slowly turns the earth As you make your yearly visit To remind me of my birth ---------------------------------------- - For my eldest daughter, Catherine To Catherine Faye I knew you were coming, I was seven years old, When I played with my dolls, It was you I did hold. My joy when you came, Was abundant and free, I swore always and forever, You would be my baby. But life as we know it Can take a dark twist, I never planned things, To happen like this. I see you as you are, Now hurt and so torn, Wishing so often that, You'd never been born. My heart aches without end, It's been so for years, My hands are still not enough, To wipe away your tears. ********************* Catherine Child of anger, War torn, Learning harsh survival. Child of fury, Sreaming rage, Fighting all the world. Child of darkness, Deceptive, Knowing how to lie. Child of hurt, Lonely inside, Afraid to reach out. Child of betrayal, Night terror, The protectors failed you. Child of pain, Suicidal-anorexic, You hurt yourself and others. Child of trauma, Untrusting, Can we ever hope to save you? ************** I swore that I'd protect you. I didn't. I swore that I would be there. I wasn't. I swore that I could handle it. I haven't. I swore that I could fix it. I can't. I swore that I would try. I am. **************** To Cat I see the beauty inside, Deep inside where, You think you're ugly. I see beauty. I see the kindness inside, Deep inside where, You think you're mean. I see kindness. I see the sorrow inside, Deep inside where, You think you don't feel. I see sorrow. I see the love inside, Deep inside where, You think you can't care. I see love. ---------------------------------------- ------- Beltaine's Folly Must have been that time of year, Though many sought to warn me... When only five days past Beltaine I gave my self too freely. Long I have heard tales, And so oft have been told The merry love of Beltaine No one can truly hold Twas the longest date of mine A year and a day, close enough Oh, the passion of that Beltaine Just died when things got too tough Long I have heard tales, And so oft have been told The merry love of Beltaine No one can truly hold I bear the thorn's scar yet, my dear Though we have long since parted 'Ware the dancers of Beltaine, Lest you wish you ne'er started Long I have heard tales, And so oft have been told The merry love of Beltaine No one can truly hold Listen, lovers where 'ere you be, My story is true as I told, For the fires of each Beltaine, Will flame bright and leave you cold. ------------------------------------ And finally: A possible epic...who knows... welcome to my true soul Screaming in the Darkness There's a quiet time late at night When all the lost souls scream I hear their constant keening As I waken from my dream I have joined their masses Howling my pain in the air My voice is harsh and primal Words have no meaning there My despair comes without mercy My soul and flesh are torn The blackness spreads completely Such pain cannot be borne I can't see how my choices Have brought me to this place I can't even think to question And tears pour down my face There's no willing surrender I must fight against the dark Yes, the void within will beckon I will ever bear it's mark Strength does not come easy I feel like I've been chained To the wreckage of my sorrow My energy has been drained With fading hope I try again My battle fire burns out to ashes I seek the embers of my waning faith I feel the wave of pain as it crashes Though try to fan the coals I do My tiny spark of hope just died Misery's embrace draws closer now No relief here, though tears I cried Bruised my soul and heart must be I wonder why I am still going on Some stubborn bit of me won't quit Since all resistance is long gone There will be a price I know But my courage must be fed Try not to think how close I walk The line between the live and dead The morning comes with arrogant sun It's demanding that I begin anew I grow weary of all night battles Casualties mounting, my wins but few My final prayer of night is this Let me rise with strength and joy Like iron becomes tempered steel Let my soul seek some new alloy For if I cannot walk with hope I fear I may never walk at all Those who are, please be here now Into their arms I long to fall May I give them a sacrifice they want Let gifts I offer them be enough So that their blessings unto me Keep me alive when things get rough Yes, keep me screaming into the dark Conquer nightmare with rage filled keen I must rise above agony, face sleep again And with shining hope I can dare to dream ~ In the long dark night of June 11 to 12th, 1998 Dedicated to my patrons, in hope --------------------------- How long must I cry like this, the tears a river flowing You're blind and cannot see my tears, always so unknowing I don't dare show my feelings true, the fear lives in my heart For vicious anger follows then, and it tears my soul apart I'm hurting and aching, soul rendered to mere tatters You tell me I'm foolish, bitter speech, it never matters I'm sorry that I'm way too sensitive, I must be insane The voice of anger echos on, it never leaves my brain. Lashing back my words hurt you, how the world does change I'm nowhere near as cruel as you, my words you rearrange I'm trying so hard with you, with another I'd just walk out You accuse me of your own flaws, fill my mind with doubt The tempest's finally over, and you say you love me true No more talk of past events, your venting finally through While I again choke back the pain, swallowing my heart One day I know I'll reach the end of it, then I'll fall apart. Will you miss me when I've left this world, driven to that end I know my death will cause a wound, I know you'll never mend Why can't you see that I'm not you, I lack your strength of will So few things can give me hope, and keep my mind's voice still -------------------------- The words, once spoken, are impossible to curb Spilled ink phrases stain our thoughts deeply Our words flow past stoppered mouths To betray our wounds and score unbidden The words, once heard, are impossible to erase They are well watered by hidden resentment We play at an attempt to pacify our hearts To deny the sick realization harbored there The words, once freed, are impossible to shirk Owning up to the truth at last, we are shaking Watching our castle walls begin to crumble Coating us with the dust of destruction. The words, once felt, are impossible to hide With each little earthquake our fortress cracks Our love lacks the strength to stand and endure The incessant battery of our angry words. ----------------- Ritual Spaces Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate Demeter, Kali, Innana....... The soft, sibilant swelling Of the elder goddess chant Opens the door Call and response Names of ancient lore Reclaiming, Renaming Solitary no more We are embraced by divinity If only for a spell She flows within us Hail and Be Welcome Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate Demeter, Kali, Innana.... She is there and he is coming Pan, Odhin, Cernnunos, Baphomet Mithros, Loki, Apollo....... The playful, powerful pounding Of the ancient gods charge Pierces the portal Call and response Names of mighty mythic male Reclaiming, renaming Solitary no more We are taken by his power If only for a night He fills us with desire Hail and Be Welcome Pan, Odhin, Cernnunos, Baphomet Mithros, Loki, Apollo........