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Just some of my poetry from over the years.....very depressing though!! Current mood: depressed My life is so crazy right now and i dont know what to do.I try to let my feelings out but its really hard to do.I scream and noone hears.Why cant they hear me scream?Help me!Help me!Save me!Why dont you care?I figured it out im not letting it out.Its all being left inside.Im screaming inside!!My heart is aching.As i gather all these racing thoughts my body starts to shake,my palms are sweaty.Whats wrong with me am i dying?I dont know do u??? Cant fight the feelings that are running through my mind.They tell me im no good,and just be through.Be through with my whole life and just make it all go away.It tells me to stab myself it wont hurt that long anyway.Take all the pills you want sleeping isnt wrong.I try to fight these feelings but there only getting strong.So really how long will it take to do what i am told?Cause right now i dont think it would matter anyways.My husband hates me,my kids i hurt to much!So why not hurt myself and make there lifes not so nuts?God i hate myself and dont know what to do.So please give me guidance and tell me what to do.Before i go and do something i regret or forget to do. I try to control my stress but nothing works.I try to make my kids mind but thats a joke.I try to make my marriage work but not sure anymore.I want my husband to talk to me but he doesnt respond anymore.I care what he thinks and feels but he doesnt let me know.I need some stablety but dont know where to go.I know i have alot to do with this but im not the only one.I need help around here and more than just to clean.I need someone to be there for me and for someone to listen.i have alot of problems and there getting worse everyday.I dont know how long i can handle any more.Im scared im going to hurt myself and i wont be here anymore.I feel as though noone is there for me or help me stop this pain.If i do something bad now or someday....Im sorry i did it but i feel theres no other way!!! You cut yourself you start to bleed.Blood runs down then you feel the need.To cut yourself once again.The blood runs down even more.Now theres a puddle on the floor.You hurry to clean it up cause if someone sees they might go off on you.you couldnt handle that but now have cut to deep.You feel light headed as you start to slip unconcious you ask yourself is this all worth it?All your mind says is yes it was.Now your dead in a puddle on the floor.Your family is left to go on but they never cared before.So really they arent as hurt they go on like you never were ever here on this earth before. Blood blood all around on your arms and on the ground.You grab a towel to stop the blood you hide the cuts so noone knows.sometimes it shows.You go to a mental hospital and then you go home.The doctors they give you could give a shit less.Nothing at home changes so you feel the need to cut more.You know you will only hurt your children more.So theres no way to relieve the pain.So you just sit and go insane.I want to cut so damn bad hell it doesnt hurt only makes me sad.That i d hurt my loved ones once again.Became more of a failure than you ever where before.So what do you do when you have no other open door?All doors are closed just stress,hate,and pain but dwell and dwell till you go insane.so bad you never can go back to being sane! Sad and alone is all i know.Is anyone here i dont know.I look around and see nothing.As i sit here in the dark.I wonder how to turn on the light.But the more and more i think sad,lonely,depression thoughts go through my head.I now wonder if anyone would even know i was dead.i cut myself to see if im alive noone really notices im here.Im like a wounded deer.Who cares if i die anyways?Noone worries of what to do with this sick person.Who lays around and does nothing.Why are you so lazy your nothing but a piece of crap!Everyone would love to throw you back.Back to the world where you dont belong.Just back to being sad and alone! Sitting in my room all alone.All of a sudden darkness falls all around me.I get scared my heart beats fast,My palms sweaty,I start to cry.I start to wonder what the hell is wrong with me.Then i feel pain and water running down my leg.I go to wipe it but its not water.Oh no blood what have i done?I have cut myself once again.I feel the pain i am alive!!I cut my arms,my stomach and my thighs.I start to feel satisfied.I go to the bathroom and fall to the floor.Im crying so hard so loud!I crawl into a ball and fall asleep.Suddenly i feel someone pick me up.I cant open my eyes.Why?Where are they taking me?Who is this?Help!Help me!!Finally i wake up im in a crazy hospital.I finally can get my help i so need.But it was all just a dream!
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