Purrbaby's blog: "surveeyyy"

 

Dear boy who hurt me more than words can describe,

I had a dream of you last night. The first one since you ever left me.
 Remember how much we fought oh so much and that hurt me quite so.
 It was always because you wanted what I did not. Well in the dream I had of you.
I paid you back times two. You see you had me to the ground because we were fighting, but I simply said I hate you, I hate you.
I saw the hurt in your face and the tears in your eyes and for once I felt you knew what it was like to be hurt.
 You simply let me go after that. I knew I finally hurt you..like you hurt me.

Sincerly,

The girl with a broken heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 BROKEN

 

Im broken...

i'm going to be completely honest and tell you,
i'm broken. but you know what?
even though i'm broken right now,
i'm going to be fine.
i'm not going to lose any more sleep over you,
i'm not going to waste any more tears over an asshole like you.
and i'm not going to go running back to you,
when you realize what a huge mistake you made.
and trust me love, you will realize that.

 

 

 meeeeooooow

So tonight your hopes fall
And break the molds of fate
Your tear ducts run dry
You're bleeding all this paint
So take back your lies
And hold them all inside
Just tell me the truth
At least for just one night

You're on your own
You're finding out who you are
You're running towards nothing
If nothing meant something
You'd still be here in my arms

Don't bite your lip to hold back your smile
Just think of this
As bending the rules
You're walking a thin line
Between me and what's right
This thread seems worn and frayed
Don't hide your face
And cower behind
A wall made up
Of secrets and lies
You can put it all on me
But if this is what's been wrong
Then why is your hand in mine?

One moment at a time
With nothing but your eyes
You make me scream
Stop and let me breathe
Regretting our first kiss
Taste the poison on your lips
Bloody and sweet
Stop and let me breathe.

This room is too cold to hold back your tears
And your heart is too weak to wear on your sleeve
If I'd allow myself to feel
The things I know I should
Then I might not be standing here
My mind is busy trying to sort through your words
Or lack thereof the ones that I want to hear
I'd rip my heart up piece by piece
To show you how I feel
If I thought that you'd even care

My heart is breaking as you speak
Won't you listen to me?
I Love You.

 

 

 

 

 purrrrrrrrrrr

This moment went by too fast
It slipped right through by both our hands
I'm still pretty
But,
I feel like a car crash

Pull me over to the side of the road
I don't need you
But,
I hate that you feel like home

If this is what you want to be
Then be without me
Then i don't need you at all
No, No,
I don't need you at all.

Twenty years we'll wake up in bed
You'll ask me if i even care
I won't be there
But,
You'll hate that I'm in your head

Let me tell you something
Your crazy
Your selfish
You make me so helpless
I hate who i have to be
without you next to me
I hate who i have to be
without you loving me

If this is who you want to be.
Then be without me.
I don't need you.

 

 

 

 

 

 w0000000rds

a cold realization.

forever is such a big word.

the truth about forever is so small.

it's almost microscopic, cowering in the shadows of that big word: forever.

what does it take?
how far will you go?
what will you do-
just to keep that forever?
to never let it get away?

is that even fair?

my forever
came in the form of a boy
with blue eyes and a smile..
one that could bring out the sun.

but then my world came crashing down.

so, again i ask, what is your forever?
is it ever..really..real?

[You're the first boy I let inside. you weren't just some boy... You were my best friend. The only one who truly knows.]

there's nothing left for me to give.
i know that you're there
to wipe away the tears i can't conceal.
even though i feel as if i didn't belong,
you were there to tell me,
"i don't care what anyone thinks."

...and neither should i.

but let's get a grasp on reality.
i have never felt so cold and unwanted.
i would do anything to keep you...
but you don't want to be kept.

 

can't you see how much i need you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 hmmmmmphhh

do[not]
can[not]
would[not]
should[not]
...somehow does not become
the don't,
the can't,
the wouldn't
or the shouldn't.

it always become the
will[not]
the will.

while i should[have]
the will to ~resist you~
i still remember the way
your kisses taste--
cigarette smoke & lies.
how unappealing.

a merry-go-round,
flying colors.
waning lovers.
an unwritten destiny,
tained by the memory..
the flavor of you,
the sound of your room.
the groundbreaking quiet and the
overly exaggerated mosquito bites.

the laugh,
that runined laughter.
the smile,
that spoiled happiness.
the name,
that he just won't replace.

it's an art,
of denying the truth,
of being rebellious,
going against you.
my mind is fucked up,
i'm so far gone.
all i remember is
the beat to our song.

god help me-
i don't want to rendezvous,
not tonight-
i want to call truce.
i'll bend on my knees and say a prayer,
that when i wake up,
you won't be there.

i'll forget the curve of your lips,
the feel of your hands on my hips.
i'll forget the acid green of your eyes,
the halo of your hair in the dark,
the way your lips pressed to mine.

i'll forget the footprints left in the sand
the late nights we wasted holding hands.
i'll forget the things that we said,
the secrets we told, i'll never reveal,
i'll hide this away, and put on a seal.

there will come a day when i can smile,
and know that i have run the miles
that it took to get away from you,
and all the memory rewriting i had to do.
i'll change pace, move on and forget,
but i hope to god i never regret.