2868189's blog: "Poems"

I think of the past
Asking for another chance
As time went on
You moved along in your life
I walked away crying

I smile and hide my emotions
Happy you have someone new
Knowing he's a better man
Understanding I lost
It's over
I lost all my chances

Looking for my heart
I don't know where it is
All I know is you own it
Maybe one day I can get it back

I will always love you,
think about you,
dream of what might have been

Copyright ©2009

When I wake up in the morning
The first thing I think about is you
Giving me the invigoration
To keep Fighting life.

Gives me the strength
To survive
Anything the world throws my way
No matter what.

I feel the warmth and strength
When you walk in the room
Giving me the warmth...
Enough to stand outside during a blizzard.

The warmth is like the sun
Brightening my day
Showing me the right way to go
And always keeping me warm and secure.

Copyright ©2009

She is the sun
when I am on the ocean
always seeing the darkness
she gives me direction

Fighting the tumulous sea
fearing for my life
always hoping and praying
for the sun to come out and direct me

Looking for the warmth
of her sweet eyes
seeking the warmth
of her arms holding me tight

Her arms are strong
giving me reassurance
that I can keep fighting the sea
always knowing she will be there

Copyright ©2009

Saying goodbye is always the hardest
Because you never know what to say
If it isn’t goodbye you still have no clue what to say
Cause you never know if you hear from them again

As time goes on you never know
When someone says they need space
Usually it means goodbye
So I say goodbye and wish the best

Let time be there to heal all wounds
Make it so you don’t have anger
Maybe you will remember me
Maybe you won’t

Guess it all depends
Do you really want to talk to me
Or were you being nice
Would never know

I loved you
I cared and would do anything
But nothing matters
You still walk away

I never thought I'd ever hold hands
I don't hold hands anymore
The memory of holding hands
My friend dies as I can't save him

It's my job and I fail
I can't believe I was such a failure
He looks in my eyes
As he fades away

I tell him he's not alone
I hold him close
Holding his hand tight
because I failed at my job

I get the body bag
Slide his tags in his teeth
and attach one to his boot
My friend he died

I'll never hold hands again
The last one died
I failed him
I can't hold hands again

Copyright ©2009

I am not allowed to show my feelings
I am not allowed to cry
I walk tall
I hate the look in others
As they look at me
Like they are better than me
It is so easy for them to make a judgment
What gives them the right to judge me
Who has the right to judge my rights or wrongs?

I recognize my ways and know I am not perfect
I stand here knowing that I hurt many
I killed many
I fixed many
I saved many

Do all my good deeds make up for the murders?
I stand here ready to hear the final judgment
I got a feeling that I will never make it to heaven
I made my decision to live
I know it was wrong to take the lives
I listened to the gasps and heard the screams
The bullets going in
Nothing compared to the blade
As it slid in I watched the eyes turn blank
Heard the gasps as I closed my own eyes
I am to fix them yet I need to live too

Am I right to want to live another day?
I never agreed to murder others
I agreed to caring for the sick and injured
As I sit here I think about the nights I have
I never sleep because I see it all and hear it
There is nothing like the feeling of the blood all over you
The sounds of the screams
The smell of death
The sights in my sleep I wake up in cold sweats
I jump all the time and can’t be around many things

Dear Father please let me in those gates
I think I suffered enough down here
I think that I have done a lot of good here
Please let me home
I didn’t murder out of cold blood
It was me or them I swear I tried not to do it
I needed to save others so please forgive me