BigD's blog: "poems"

The day passes by as light fades away Its getting closer and closer now The shadows of night, the sounds of the dark Are all I ever hear now Walking through rain, the bitter sweet cold It feels like a song, with no end in sight Playing for noone, playing for me Is this what my heart of hearts thinks A darkend forest comes into view In a field of green I now stand Covered in darkness under the moon This is my place I know where my mind is free to roam Taking a seat, away from it all I grab hold of the sharpened knife And watch it gleam, reflecting the stars and moon As I look back at all those times Why does it have to feel this way This feeling of emptiness, growing within As tears stream down my face, for none to see The rains song picks up speed Saying a short and simple prayer Asking for you to be happy Closing my eyes, im ready for the end Whispering 'I love you' one last time Sliding the blade across both wrists Feeling the bloodloss I let out a sigh As I let go of the knife, watching it fall Though its fall seems slowed to a crawl With eyes held tightly shut, never again to open I take my last and final breath As my mind and everything else that I know Turns towards the abyss that is the blackhole

Lost, everything seems grey The colors in a world of nothing A galaxy withough anything Im nothing more then space Thats been taken up by unimportance Who am I but one face Whos life sadly goes unseen Seeking answeres to the questions That plauge the innards of my mind Nothing can ever be obtained Untill a time comes when true loves obtained Without you, this is all that exists Theres no hate, theres no love Theres only this dark void A world without any color or light Without you its impossible to feel To feel happy and full of joy Silence is all my ears hear now As sunny days seem cloudy Like a neverending grey The rain sings of the times When joy and laughter reigned Inside I feel empty Like Im numb with emptiness Your all there has ever been in my eyes You and your infinite beauty Without you I feel blinded Like Ill never again be able to see All the songs of the joy and laughter Because inside Im numb with emptiness And this is my existence

A pale moon shines Another smile faked on the outside Laughter as empty as a shell Echos through the inside Distant, are all feelings When everything is so unreal That when smiles are faked And the laughter is only empty echos The inside is crying out for peace For some sort of help or salvation So alone, you sit and wait Within a so unreal state Wishing for joy and someone to love Wishing for the real The wishs are sadly untold As the untold haunts you in your dreams Your to afraid to sleep or dream Though you hope and wish That youll wake up to the light Only to find that youve woken up To the dark reality that is all around As another day slowly creeps on by The days you live seem to be getting darker and darker You continue to hope against hope That youll dream the forever dream Of all the joy and laughter Now knowing the only thing left Is that there is no more hope for the real You lay down and begin to dream The forever dream of love and laughter As a light so bright shines through And you feel as though your born anew You dream of all the joy and laughter Surrounded with love in the dreams of forever You realize the final dream that youll dream Is here to stay forever

Wishing I start doubting my art Is what Im doing truly a curse or gift Scaring people with words untold Faces pale as the glow of a full moon I smile in delight as i see the fear rise Swelling up inside of your eyes Why the questioning look of suprise I always knew that I was never like you You never suspected or even guessed That there was such a darkness inside Manifesting itself in the form of this poem Wanting only to be heard My pen birthed these words As my mind soars high with images of pain and death, of fear and guilt My pen gave them form A life of their own And it is to you I hand this to, to read and behold

I can see it burning away Inside of your eyes Your humanity A lonely memory Scarred and left for dead You are just a wandering soul With only vengeance as your guide Your guise that you wear To try and fool this ludicrous world daily Cannot hide the pain and suffering That we all see buried Deep within your eyes

Rain, rain I walk in the rain Whether its cold or warm I walk in the rain In sunlight or nightlight Ill always walk in the rain Forever drenched in a rain of guilt My conscious weighs heavily down upon my soul As my rain continues to fall I prat in tranquility that my rain will one day end For clear skies to shine once again But for now I will walk in the rain

This hole inside of your soul cannot be filled by just anything at all The pain that you endure on a daily absis never seems to leave and save itself for another day You grow tired of trying the same old tricks to ease the pain that you feel deep within The drugs that you take dont help you like you thought they would You've lost focous on the things tht were once most important to you at one time in your life And all those closest to you seem to be pushing you away for what you have done to yourself In order for you to fill this hole and cure yourself of all your problems You need to take a trip through time To the memories of your past to find the source Then once you identify the problem You can begin your healing and make your own cure To live out the life you've always wanted Just dont ever give up upon that hope for a brighter tomarrow And continue to push onwards, never to look back

The fading sunlight casts growing shadows upon the walls Its getting darker as time slowly passes by The shinging stars and the glowing pale moon, light up the nighttime sky As nocturnal creatures awaken from their slumber People begin to crawl into their soft and cozy beds for the night I alone am left to wonder why it is that sleep eludes me so Walking down the cold streets with ciggarete in hand I see a forest come into view Taking a puff I walk towards the darkend trees Making my way through, I enter into a small clearing I know this is to be my place Where my mind is free to dwell Leaning up against the lone tree in the small medow of green I look up to the sky above and sigh What once I thought was truth was proven just a lie With the knowledge that I have gained i know better now My life and destiny have never been my own For they are resting in her hands alone Yes I am happy, but at the same time Im sad Scared with fear, Im frozen in place Huddelling against myself I start to cry How can one whos so sweet, innocent and pure with care and love neverending Love me for who I am with a past such as mine Mother, oh mother please forgive me and give the answers that I need With eyes closed my crying subsides for I know that she is here Her love is washing over me, a feeling of warmpth within I open my eyes to see her Though there is nothing there to see It doesnt matter though cause I know shes here with me I dont need to see her when her love is all around She is holding on and taking care of me I close my eyes and whisper I love you mother As sleep finally come over me For the first time in waht seems like years, I feel safe At peace within sleeping in mothers arms

Reality is what we know to be truth And a thousand miles away in the darkness of night Admist the burning fires of death and destruction Lies the fragmented remains of my heart Deep within, buried in some unknown place in me A feeling of fear and loneliness Have found its home in me Walking lost among all the uncertainty I wonder what fates lie before me If Ill die this very day or the next Stabbed or shot in the back As the betrayal of friends continues once more The very thought hurts and haunts me to the very core And theres not a time when its not on my mind I just want to run, to break free To escape from this reality that is around me

You push me into a wall And I shove back, giving my all I'm just the weak one Always getting harassed for the way I am Violence can only be my last option, my last solution Taking out the problem before me The only way I see out Does the way that I look to you Truly make me that different from you Or from everyone that you see Im so f*cking sick of always being abused Tell me whatever it is that I have ever done to you I can only take on so much hatred around me Before it all comes boiling up over the surface I swear today is the day that I will cleanse my hands of you Can you ever take back all of this hellish pain you have given Will we ever one day learn from our mistakes Can you ever take back all of this hellish pain you have givin I swear todays the day that I put all of my torment to an end