Blue Buddha's blog: "Poems"

The wind sweeps across the freshly cut grass that blankets the park across the way. Off to the South the storm clouds roll in, slowly and methodically, transforming the sky from blue to shades of grey. It seems almost unearthly being able to see the different waethers mold and mesh themselves together in an ever changing sky. Out here, in the peace and serenity of a small town, you can watch in awe some of the true wonders that nature has to offer. It's not like that of big city living where everything passes by with intensity and fervor. You are deaf and blind to what really takes place around you. No heaps and mounds of concrete and asphalt to skew the glory, no overwhelming masses of blinding lights overshadowing the clear night skies. No, not here.....here is where nature is the main attraction, showing all of Her splendid bliss. As I sit, listening to the wind, the sound are overwhelming. Hearing the trees sway, fallen leaves rustling across the the road and an occassional acorn fall, creating a small popping sound as it impacts the shingles of the porch roof.It's amazing just how much you miss when you are surround yourself with the hussle and bussle of city life. A deep inhalation, and the fresh scent of rain in the air fills my head. It's almost here now, and a faint rumble of thunder catches my ears and my attention. It's invigorating, every sense tingling with excitment. Ah! yes....but I lied! there is one sense that is left alone, that one sense that I have so patiently been awaiting and aching to excite....TOUCH!!! The one thing that would perfect and make this moment last forever. The feel of you by my side as I sit here on the swing. Your hand entwined with mine as the rain begins to pour down upon the fragile earth in view. This is how Nature intended Her displays of beauty to be observed, as a shared moment between two souls. Her splendor, acting as a catalist, securing a feeling of comfort and happiness between those souls. Her sights, Her sounds, Her scents and every emotion that encompasses these truley wonderous works are there for the taking. She gives them out freely to those coupled souls who can allow these precious gifts to heighten their passions and stimulate their love. But Alas! I still sit alone, dreaming of the time when you will be here with me, allowing us to grab ahold of all these extrordinary emotions Mother Nature has so neatly packaged for those who care to take advantage of them. I could ask for nothing greater than this, if only to have one small fleeting moment with you, like this, would be more than this battered and beaten heart could ever hope for. A defining and everlasting picture painted in my minds' eye, so that everytime I sit and watch Nature in Her glory, I can reflect and remember and feel that small moment of wholeness, completion and companionship that would be forever imbedded with me.

Every night I lay there alone in the darkness etching into the wall some magical symbol ripped from ancient lore It's a spell of love and a cruse of fate Because it's fate my love that made this bed cold and my arms so empty the hands that trace this symbol into this wall shrouded in the darkness should be strumming your hair and pulling you tight but not tonight my dear nor the next so it seems Because the spell I cast upon this damnable wall will not see light of day until another night another night like this in which I can hold you close and whisper softly to you the words that I want to say and the words that you want to hear

Just imagine the stars How bright they must be tonight magnified be the teardrops brought forth by all our pain It's amazing how cruel life can be how heavy her hand can feel All we want to do is smile but yet the teardrops fall like rain There is no time for holding these days nor a second for a simple kiss just the time to stare at the moon while crying out in vain All we need is each other to make it all go away like an emotional drug that takes away the pain It's just so hard to keep an open heart when the world is out to harm you But without your gentle words it's a struggle to stay sane So as I roam the darkness I'll be calling out your name Haunting all of our demons until they've all be slain

Every night when I hold you the world just seems so right To this day I can’t believe that the woman in my arms is mine. It’s like a cross between two dreams to watch rising sun dance across your face. Just knowing that you’re there to wipe the tears stops them before they seep out. What twist of fate was it that brought our two souls together? Did the Gods just mercifully smile upon us? Or did nature make some mistake? Is this all true? Or just another fantasy? Could this heart beating so close to mine truly be in love with me? Or is it just another illusion one of nature’s cruelest tricks. If so then all of this joy, all of this heaven would be just another passing dream. But if I am dreaming, then let me sleep Let me spend five more minutes just five more minutes like this Because once I wake If I wake I know I’ll never love again because a love like this can’t be repeated and a dream like this you don’t return to.

It wasn’t that long ago we were saying our good byes but I never got to say thank you for all the things that you taught me most importantly what forever means at least when it came to me and you It means until you’re tired and don’t want to play anymore or until I’m useless and you’ve got all your kicks Was it forever until you’re quit or forever until you’re bored So tell me the truth did you ever really care? Did you love that boy you held? Did you just use him like the others? And toss him when he was spent? Now in the end I know that it’s all for the best We’re both much happier and moving on with our lives but still the questions linger like a shadow cast long before for the life of me I’ll never understand how forever can be so brief just until you’re hurting just until it’s not easy anymore or until someone better comes along Is it forever until I’m broke or forever until you let it die? But tell me the truth did any of it matter to you? Or was it just another cheap thrill? Was everything you said a lie? Just like happily ever after and forever.

We came into life this way bare to the world our legs neatly folded arching up toward our chest with our back slumped as if to greet our knees but never quite touching. We then grow older we learn to walk and talk but every night we return there to sleep slipping into the dream world with the same pose we came into this one. The years go by and we grow up but nothing changes save the addition of another the other half of our soul the one who was already there at least in our hearts for those first precious moments. There we lie; fitting shape and form slipping back into the world we knew we only knew as children. Nature was kind enough to bring me into the world this way. Now, with arms entangled and bodies close I dare to ask nature to be kind enough to please please let me die this way.

You used me, to save yourself With no regard, to the person within You used me, to show others What you wished to be Not who you were You used me, and when you were done Threw me away like I didn't even matter So now I'm alone I thought I was loved, but its better this way I'm no longer being used by a person Who does not love me or know who they are I feel fine, I feel fine, I feel fine, I feel fine

I can't feel it anymore You've broken me You don't even know it I can't take it anymore Show you wear it hurts? There is no pain I am receding If I show you all will change this inner turmoil This awful rage Step away from me Yet don't leave Imp going to cry I'm tortured at this moment But I hate myself for it I act like a child You can't understand This is not how I am Stop being so perfect Don't be so lovely Or Love me in return

Carried away for life Help me live For i cant hang on much longer It wont be long Help me plez My life has become storten My days have become darkend My soul has become depressed the life i want to live Isnt at all like this one help my body For i have fallen to the ground No one will help me ..Why? my soul cant be permently changed My pain is inventable Your pain is Optional

If you could only see what’s deep inside of me The pain, suffering and the agony Haunting me tearing me apart. If you could only hear late at night I whisper your name, thoughts of your face in my mind I cry out in vain. If you could only feel how I thirst for your love The fire that burns deep within my soul To hear you breath to know every second of your heartbeat. If you could only realize that I am lost without you What I have and to give you is true My soul, my whole being, and my dignity. If you could only look in my eyes And know how I wish to be with you now How I want to touch you now. If you could only sit next to me Laying on my bed holding my hand To see me smile and tell you I love you even in death