| | | In intense pain.
I wait for an ex to show his face again.
Not due to repair or need of the past relations.
See, he is the one that knows how intense my pain is.
He knows just how to touch me, & sooth my pain.
He knows just how to make me relax & smile again.
Though there is no interest of repair of our relations.
He says I am what keeps him human.
My will & strength is what makes him available at will call for me.
He is amazed of just how I maintain things.
I call on few, & ask for nothing.
I wont subject my needs to be used as a tool or for anyone thinking that I owe anything.
I continue to write, paint & do my photography.
I do these things, as its all I seek for a legacy.
My views, my words, my hopes & desire's.
I wish them to be left as nothing less then inspirations & kindlings or fuel in any lifes matters,... matter's that might transpire.
As I sit here waiting in intense pain.
I wait for an ex to show his face again.
Not due to repair or need of the past relations.
See, he is the one that knows how intense my pain is.
He knows just how to touch me, & sooth my pain.
He knows just how to make me relax & smile again.
Though there is no interest of repair of our relations.
He says I am what keeps him human.
I sigh in releif as I hear the door bell ring.
Its the ex boyfriend.
He's jumped into action.
Preparing things.
Soon my suffering will be at ease.
I will be at comfort though its but a tease.
Its a bandaid to hold things off.
Im on call, while my surgeon went on vacation to go play golf.
Had me come in for pre-op.
Said there are issues with the last Doc.
Said "We will call you".
Left me in this pain with out telling me he was leaving on vacation.
When this guy gets back.
Beleive that his disrespect will be what he see's when he opens me up.
My bones will scream at him for his neglect.
I'd go to another surgeon, but after 5 whom said they wont risk it.
Chances are you wont make it.
This guys the last. The one who committed.
This surgeon, ...is whom Im forced to be subjected.
My scene isnt cool, pretty or nice.
Listen to me Ive some words of advice.
Listen to other's & the things they've to say.
There is wisdom in all espeacially if they know pain.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is an option.
The choices you take could become your demise.
Take care of youre bodies & be sure to eat right.
Though these arent the reasons I live this plight.
I simply was in the wrong places & at the very fcking wrong time.
But before I say too much,
Im to begin the process of easing my pain.
Though its just a band-aid, ...its what I can tolerate.
The knowledge of it alone makes me relax & make me think quietly again.
As I sit here in waiting.
In intense pain.
I wait for an ex to show his face again.
Not due to repair or need of the past relations.
See, he is the one that knows how intense my pain is.
Just knowing of the releif Im about to have.
Settle's the stress of the pain, ...allows me to breathe better & not be worried or sad.
Im happy to have the option to write.
Even happier to have this computer to do it on.
Delighted that what may be misery to other's turns into art, creativity & things that you read, like this poetry.
I dont mean that to be snotty or otherwise.
I just get a tickle out of some of the things I do, ...Vain, I know. & for that I apologize.
For now I am done, & glad to have the words to do it.
Its time for me to go, But I suppose I must thank a god or somethin.
For the the things Im forced into & my patience to tolerate it.
Thank you for reading this, I hoped you liked it?
Im truely in pain, & this is the type of things that comes of it.
Im sorry if some of this doesnt make sense.
But if youve read my other blogs.
Its easy to understand & you wont make light of it.
By for now, don't worry & know its ok, this a circle of life scene.
I write like this as to get things out & to keep from getting mean.
My pain is intense would enhance anyones insanity.
It push's my tolerance, sometimes,...
I just pass out. Or just get all poetic & nausiated.
I break out a bowl & burn till Im only light headed.
The pain causes the nausia when my threshold wont let me pass out.
I grind my teeth & begin to get into my photography or write or paint things out.
Hope you enjoy my pain as it surely isnt my personal misery.
The rewards from all this still remains a mystery.
I stay optomistic cause I think its more healthy.
Be back another again with something not so long, ..next time.
Sometimes I get going & I cant seem to stop myself, let alone stop rhyming.
Cant seem to find an end to this.
So this is it.
(I will be back later to edit this!)
k,.. Im back,.. but eh,.. got nothing to add.
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MISTRESS J U G...
