I knew a day like today would come eventually i figured i'd be pre-paired for it but i am not.
So i am sitting here in some shock again but this time it is not the loss of a friend. My ex from a while back one who i moved a whole world away for just her. Admited publically that while we were together she cheated on me.
I always kinda knew that she had and she had even dedicated the song unfaithful to me but part of me said she was just attempting to wound me.
But now the pain that i despritly attempted to avid has hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean part of me knew, so i shouldnt hurt right? But yet i do.
I spent thousands of dollars and changed my whole life for that woman and she thanks that by ending that relationship which i guess in a sence i should be thankful for. But in another sence wish she had left me without such an answer to a question i deep down dreded.
I was so deadly loyal to her, no other woman had my attention, and no other woman had my heart.
She now lives with the man she cheated on me with and i had made peace in knowing her and i would never cross paths again.
But yet i remain wounded on having that final answer to a question i never wished answered.
I knew i was not the worlds greatest mate to her and i accepted that fully but yet at the same time...Its not like you move half way around the world for someone you only like.
And tho i have no tears in this situation the fact remains that i am hurt still. And i more then likely will for at least the rest of this night.
All i can say is i am glad its now and not earler in the day because once i go to sleep and wake up i should hopefully not care in any way of her disloyalty.
At least i hope...I did nothing to deserve her lies and her dishonorable choice she made when it came to me. I guess though...I guess that it did end up for the best as i do have a woman who loves me, Even tho we have been going threw a rough spot in our relationship.
Still...I cant help but feel hurt, and feel as tho suddenly i might not be worth as much as what i first thought, I first thought i was just too good for her and it ended and it was her loss. But to find out in truth that she indeed was sleeping with the man she is now with.
I guess its a wound that has just simply not healed.
Perhaps it never will....
Dom
