The Ultimate Application for a Piece of Ass
Warning: Fill out this application of your own free will…it will not be shared with another living soul…and I stress living, so if someone wants to tell their dead granny that you have a small penis or fake boobs…that means you will be laughed at when you get to the pearly gates, and not before. Be honest…don't try to lie if the person you are sending this to knows the truth…and plus its not as fun if you lie. Enjoy!
Name:
Address:
Age: Real Age:
Hair Color: Real Hair Color:
Eye Color: Contacts:
Dentures:
Weight: Height:
Waist Size: Bra/Penis Size:
Marital Status: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Married
2. Single
3. Divorced
4. Swinger
5. Married but Looking
6. Other
Are Breasts/Balls Real: Yes No
Do you like them: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Sucked
2. Licked
3. Chewed
4. Kissed
5. Caressed
6. Squeezed
Can you stay out late: How late:
Do you like to be screwed:
If yes, how often:
Do you like giving/receiving oral sex:
Pussy Size: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Small = tight
2. Medium = laid a few times
3. Large = been around and around the block
4. Extra Large = works in Vegas
Penis Size: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Small = virgin or stuffs pants
2. Medium = does alright with drunk chicks
3. Large = in the military spreading the joy from port to port
4. Extra Large = is related to Peter North or Lexington Steele
While Screwing, do you: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Faint
2. Fart
3. Hum
4. Whistle
5. Scream
6. Scratch
7. Yodel
8. Just lay there
9. Go to sleep
10. Cry
11. All of the above
When cumming, do you: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Wiggle
2. Wobble
3. Twist
4. Jerk
5. Scream
6. Cry
7. Squirt
8. Just start humping like hell
What kind of screw do you like: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Fast
2. Super Fast
3. Slow
4. All nighter
How many times:
List the 3 top positions you like the best:
1. ________________________
2. ________________________
3. ________________________
Do you like: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Straight Sex
2. Threesomes
3. Orgies
4. Anal
5. Gay/Lesbian/Bi Sex
6. all of the above
How long do you like to screw in one interval:
If you have screwed before, please give two references: (Not immediate family)
1. Name: __________________________________
Address: ________________________________
Location of the screwing: ___________________
Comments:_______________________________
________________________________________
________________________________________
2. Name: __________________________________
Address:_________________________________
Location of screwing:_______________________
Comments:________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
If application is favorable, what are your charges:
For, One night: _______________
For, One hour: _______________
Muff Burger Special or Blow Job: ________________
What type of payment do you accept: Please highlight or circle all that apply
1. Master Card
2. Visa
3. Discover
4. Diner's Club
5. JC Penney
6. American Express
7. Other
Thank you for filling out this application, please leave your application with your potential employer in his/her inbox. Have a nice day.
