Ok some friends of mine started a Dear Santa list as to what they would want this year, and knowing me.. well I made it a little twisted.
So here is my "Perverted" Dear Santa letter:
Dear Santa,
As is tradition every year... we'll still see you at Hedonism right? Great, I've booked the flights and tell Mrs. Clause that bikini season is not an invite to wear the smallest particles of clothing that could pass as floss. Honestly, us big girls need to stick together AND know when to cover up! So I've got the photos from last year bundled up and ready to Fed Ex to the tabloids.. because well I have to make a few extra $$$ because last year you didn't hold up your end of the bargain. That's right Santa I'm calling you on it. I dressed up as an elf and took pictures with those damn flea bitten sorry excuses for reindeer you've been using (topless might I add!) AND you couldn't even have the decency to get me the paint job for my car that I asked for.
So this year I'm upping the ante, it's the paint job, the body kit AND the interior done or else we'll be seeing those pictures of you and Mrs. Clause and Mandingo all over the front pages of STAR and Enquirer. By the way Santa.... way to take it like a man, I've never seen anything quite that big fit into an opening so small. Wearing a furry pink collar and lead no less!
Cheers!
Oh and PS Santa: Mrs. Clause told me to inform you that the divorce papers have been drawn up and ready to sign if you don't agree to buying the house in the Hamptons, the Condo in Hawaii AND giving her back the Porsche she bought but you begged to drive because you said the Easter Bunny was giving you shit for letting your woman drive a better car than you. The Bunny has been known to frequent fetish bars, and moonlight as a sewage treatment specialist. I wouldn't be taking too much flack from him much longer.
If anyone else out there has any hilarious Dear Santa Letters you want to share, just write me and I'll post it up here!!
