I can't tell whether my mind or heart is in control, whether or not I am full of peace or I am just worrying myself into an unconscious state of fear.
I'm hurting all over inside and out. I want him to listen to me, I want her to be able to hold me and hear me, but she can't! She's not here...why can't she be here? Why wont he understand how much I am hurting inside or how much I want to be heard.
No one is listening to me, no one can help me! What if they could? What if they could hear or see inside of me and see how I feel or feel what I feel?!?
Would they understand the pain I am feeling and the love I'm yearning for?
What would my life be like if someone...he...she...could know what I am feeling or what I am really like or, would that be ridiculous?
What if I wasn't here physically and they only had memories of me...would they still care about me?
Those who said they loved me, would they still mean it or was it a lie and I was caught believing it?!?
What if they...he...she really meant it? How can I show them how much I appreciated them and show them how much I care for him and how much I cared and still do care for her?
I wish I could show her the pain is still dwelling inside of me. I want to hear her response, but I can't! I want to touch her skin and feel the warmth but I can't...it's gone and I only feel the cold stone that marks her place. I want you back!
I only wish for him to understand it is not him I am mad at, it's only myself! Why can't I tell him? I try but my words become voiceless and they are meaningless.
If only my heart could talk without my minds permission; the stories it could tell or would it be so daring to respond?
The emotions trapped inside would they be revealed as well or would my heart keep those so far hidden from everyone that I would feel suffocated by my own thoughts and desires...would it release those long lived emotions?
Please God, HELP ME!!!
I'm losing control of my heart and mind.
But, what is taking over?
Could it possibly be the fear?
But fear of what?
It's the fear I never wanted to have, the fear I've always been afraid of!
It's the fear of losing the fear of what I've already lost!
By: Lucky to be Irish
