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DJ Illogical's blog: "Pennsylvania"

created on 01/23/2007  |  http://fubar.com/pennsylvania/b47604
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk Military FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you dont get caught CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs Military FRIENDS: Call your parents Drunk as hell and tell them about the fat chick you tried to pick up CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home. MILITARY FRIENDS: Know some wild shit will happen, and set up rally points and an E & E route. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. Military FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we fucked up...but hey, that shit was fun as fuck!" CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Cry with you. Military FRIENDS: laugh at you and tell you to put some vagasil on your pussy. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. Military FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will Low Crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will listen to your relatioship problems and hope it works out for you. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to you over a long hard road march, and will help you straighten it out better than Dr. Phil. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: know a few things about you. Military FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Might try to hit on your girl behind your back. MILITARY FRIENDS: Have spooned with you in the field more than your girl has, and would never even think about doing that. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. Military FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. Military FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will man up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. Military FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don't waste.. That's alcohol abuse!!!" CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week. MILITARY FRIENDS: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long. CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore". Military FRIENDS: Will say "okay just one more" and then 2 minutes later "okay just one more". CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. Military FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!! CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you." Military FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you. Civilian Friends: Will not take your food Military Friends: Are the reason you have no food (or cigarettes!)

Raver Manifesto

Our emotional state of choice is Ecstasy. Our nourishment of choice is Love. Our addiction of choice is technology. Our religion of choice is music. Our currency of choice is knowledge. Our politics of choice is none. Our society of choice is utopian though we know it will never be. You may hate us. You may dismiss us. You may misunderstand us. You may be unaware of our existence. We can only hope you do not care to judge us, because we would never judge you. We are not criminals. We are not disillusioned. We are not drug addicts. We are not naive children. We are one massive, global, tribal village that transcends man-made law, physical geography, and time itself. We are The Massive. One Massive. We were first drawn by the sound. From far away, the thunderous, muffled, echoing beat was comparable to a mother's heart soothing a child in her womb of concrete, steel, and electrical wiring. We were drawn back into this womb, and there, in the heat, dampness, and darkness of it, we came to accept that we are all equal. Not only to the darkness, and to ourselves, but to the very music slamming into us and passing through our souls: we are all equal. And somewhere around 35Hz we could feel the hand of God at our backs, pushing us forward, pushing us to push ourselves to strengthen our minds, our bodies, and our spirits. Pushing us to turn to the person beside us to join hands and uplift them by sharing the uncontrollable joy we felt from creating this magical bubble that can, for one evening, protect us from the horrors, atrocities, and pollution of the outside world. It is in that very instant, with these initial realizations that each of us was truly born. We continue to pack our bodies into clubs, or warehouses, or buildings you've abandoned and left for naught, and we bring life to them for one night. Strong, throbbing, vibrant life in it's purest, most intense, most hedonistic form. In these makeshift spaces, we seek to shed ourselves of the burden of uncertainty for a future you have been unable to stabilize and secure for us. We seek to relinquish our inhibitions, and free ourselves from the shackles and restraints you've put on us for your own peace of mind. We seek to re-write the programming that you have tried to indoctrinate us with since the moment we were born. Programming that tells us to hate, that tells us to judge, that tells us to stuff ourselves into the nearest and most convenient pigeon hole possible. Programming that even tells us to climb ladders for you, jump through hoops, and run through mazes and on hamster wheels. Programming that tells us to eat from the shiny silver spoon you are trying to feed us with, instead of nourish ourselves with our own capable hands. Programming that tells us to close our minds, instead of open them. Until the sun rises to burn our eyes by revealing the distopian reality of a world you've created for us, we dance fiercely with our brothers and sisters in celebration of our life, of our culture, and of the values we believe in: Peace, Love, Freedom, Tolerance, Unity, Harmony, Expression, Responsibility and Respect. Our enemy of choice is ignorance. Our weapon of choice is information. Our crime of choice is breaking and challenging whatever laws you feel you need to put in place to stop us from celebrating our existence. But know that while you may shut down any given party, on any given night, in any given city, in any given country or continent on this beautiful planet, you can never shut down the entire party. You don't have access to that switch, no matter what you may think. The music will never stop. The heartbeat will never fade. The party will never end. I am a raver, and this is my manifesto.
Heres 60 things gurls never knew about guys , i hate to admit it but alot of its true , and for those of you who know me and what i am about you will understand 1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them! (oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than 5 guys..you're a HOE) 2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone. 3... Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. 4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes. 5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. 6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him. 7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method. 8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. 9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. 10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. 11. Guys get jealous easily. 12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think. 13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out. 14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like. 15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway. 16. Girls are guys' weaknesses. 17. Guys are very open about themselves. 18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long. 19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend. 20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice. 21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. 22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships. 23. Guys will brag about anything. 24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot. 25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant. 26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused. 27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships. 28. Try to be as straightforward as possible. 29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up. 30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl. 31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key. 32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience. 33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped. 34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside. 35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that. 36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me." 37. Guys don't really have final decisions. 38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. 39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you. 40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. 41. Guys like femininity not feebleness. 42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do. 43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes. 44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily. 45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much. 46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. 47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more. 48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them. 49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day. 50. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it. 51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us. 52. We don't like girls who are too skinny. 53. We love it when girls talk about there boobs. 54. Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not .... 55. Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours... 56. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually 57. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.. 58. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts... 59. Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times. 60. When a guy sacerfices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

Just a little Poem

Was feeling artistic the other night and wrote this , the words just flowed from my lips to my fingers This emptiness feels like a curse to me when I'm hoping that-- by striking the sky starless to light a smile in your eyes, placing drops of the MilkyWay between the dimples of your smile, and gift-wrapping the heart that now bears your name to set it gently in your palms should you so choose to accept it-- you might look beyond the make-believe of the words I speak to keep you in the dark and discover that all I'm wishing upon tomorrow for is one chance to mean the world to you. If only I could love you for just a day. The loneliness inside me is a hateful reminder of how empty my life is without you to hold a candle to my heart and warm it with your smile, a hint of love shining in your eyes. Engulf me in the flames of your words and soar me beyond the man-in-the-moon on wings of feathered hopes and the winds that dreaming brings a pounding heart; whisper my name into the sunset as if next decade's bound to find us too soon and write words of tenderness into the constellations with the air of knowing what you want and not caring what the rest of the world believes of you. I could fall through galaxies not yet discovered for you if only for the mere hope of seeing the look you placed within my eyes reflecting back at me upon your gaze, even if the moment is stolen from my grasp within a few measely seconds. Dreams are the closest I get to you holding me close feeling your soft, warm lips sweetly on my own. I want to tell you how I feel when my eyes meet yours. I lose all train of thought when you're around feel like an idiot when I have nothing to say when my eyes speak volumes. Just once, look at me as somebody you could love not somebody you smile politely at then merrily jaunt on your way leaving stars and hearts in your wake. Just once, open those pretty eyes of yours a bit wider and understand the implications of the tremor in my voice when I can think straight enough to stammer a hello, of the light dancing across my pupils as I try, oh so very hard, not to get lost within your smile, and of the way I seem a fool when I prolong the conversation just to avoid having to say goodbye. I know you see right through me sometimes, as the rest of the world tends to view me as just another foggy shadow of a girl, but just once, try to look beyond the world's thoughts and see the person who stands before you for what she really is... a girl who tipped herself off a cloud in the hopes of stumbling into your heart. Tell me are my hopes in vain? Will I never cease longing to say "I Love You"? Will your eyes ever hold the sparkle that the stars have in the sky? In my dreams you are mine forever. You love me so unconditionally. Every smile is a burst of sunshine shot like arrows into my heart. If I could, I would take those arrows you have pierced me with from Dreamland and hand them willingly to Cupid to use upon you at the next sunrise... but I know that I could never hope to force your heart to fall for me if I'm not what you really long for. Tell me... will tomorrow bring just another day of sugar-sweetened hellos that melt like chocolate on my tongue and a thousand paper promises I write myself within the creases of my heart, or will you awaken to my smile blaring in your eyes and the tinklings of my nerve-drenched voice whispering forever across your cheeks? Will I ever get to see the day you tell me you can't live without me in your life? I want to ask you to be with me, for now, for ever. But I'm afraid of what you'd say. My heart couldn't handle the negative response you'd give me. I swear I would never hurt you, never do anything to earn the distrust you are so used to. I won't hurt you like she did, I'll never stab you in the back. If you'd give me a chance I'll love you and never let go, I swear you wouldn't have to worry. Please, please say you'll be my knight. Say you'll sweep me off my feet and into a fairytale ending neither of us ever expected to find, because the clouds in your eyes will never release rain upon your face if you would let me show you what it is to be loved the way I long to love you. Say you'll be mine, and I will set your heart within my chest to foralways hold and cherish. Just give me a chance to prove I'm not going to cause trouble. Give me a chance to show you that I'll be forever faithful. I want no other, as long as I have you. From you, I'll never stray. I'd die to know you love me. So please, whisper sentiments across my neck and hug me like you'll never be able to again, because tomorrow's going to come too soon without you holding on to me. Tell me you love me, and I will move the stars from the sky to write your name within the constellations of my reality. Tell me you love me... and I'll hold you until forever reaches it's final day.

A True Fire Fighter

Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes. The tone goes off at 2 in the morning and they are on their way to a wreck with entrapment. __________________________ You take a warm shower to help you wake up. They been awake for three days working at four different stations running calls all day and night and don't get to shower. __________________________ You complain of a "headache", and call in sick. They get burned or trapped inside, or while cutting someone out of a car something flys off the car and injures them, or car explodes, or they get called to a medical call where someone was shot. __________________________ You meet up with your friends at the camp and get drunk! They respond to the unconscious people and the grass fire you started. __________________________ You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket. They kiss the maltese cross around their neck and say a prayer before they go in the burning building. __________________________ You talk trash on your "buddies" that aren't with you. they pray that their buddy next to them comes out alive and they watch out for each other..for they know the value of a true friend and are brothers and sisters for life. __________________________ You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls. They crawl around a pitch black, totally involved house fire searching for the old lady and her grandchild that didn't make it out. __________________________ You complain about how hot it is. they wear their heavy gear, not taking it off in the 900 degree heat and flames and therefore they appreciate the heat and learn to deal with it. __________________________ You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong. All they got was a MRE from a rehab truck because they only have a 10 minute break before they have to go back out and try to stop the three hundred acre grass fire from reaching any houses. __________________________ Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes. They wear the same things for days, but makes sure their trucks, gear, and equipment are clean. __________________________ You go to the mall and get your hair redone. They didn't have time to take a shower this morning because they got a four alarm fire. __________________________ You call your girlfriend/boyfriend and set a date for that night. they go sometimes weeks not going home or seeing the ones they love. __________________________ You hug and kiss your girlfriend/boyfriend, like you do everyday. THEY LOOK AT THE PICTURE THEY KEEP IN THEIR WALLET OR GEAR AND KISSES IT AND SAY BABY I PROMISE I'M COMING HOME SOON AND IF I DON'T, I LOVE YOU AND I JUST HOPE I DID EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. __________________________ You roll your eyes as a baby cries. they sit on the curb with their buddies and kneel down and cry and say a prayer for the child that didnt make it. __________________________ You criticize your local firestation because they got behind you and were holding down the airhorn trying to get you to get out of the way. They pray even if you don't move out of the way that they can make it in time to save the people inside and maybe even the house. __________________________ You hear firefighters joke around and say they are nothing but a bunch of jackasses. They hear the tone and they are ready in a moments notice, its all fun when its just them and their buddies at the station playing around, once that tone goes off its all work and no play. __________________________ You hear on the news some firefighters were laughing at a wreck and think they are assholes. They see it as the only way not to cry out in front of everyone because someone didn't make it, was to tell a joke about one of their buddies. __________________________ You stay at home and watch tv. they take whatever time they are given to clean, eat, fix something at the station, cook, wash firetrucks, and then relax for 20 minutes and then has to go assist a medic unit with a collapsed patient. __________________________ You crawl into your bed, with down pillows, and try to get comfortable. they crawl into a single person bed with a stiff pillow and just a sheet at 4 in the morning to try and sleep until 6 before they they to go to their next shift at one of the other stations. __________________________ You sit there and judge him, saying he is stupid for running into a burning building. If only there were more men and women like US!

DJ's are mind readers

DJs ARE EXPERT MIND READERS When requesting a song from the DJ, just say "play my song", or "it goes something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted in our heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge. If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding. DJs know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be ... it helps jog the memory. If a DJ tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words for the DJ. Any words. It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best way to jog a DJs memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of "Personal Friend Of The DJ." DJs are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare for their shows.They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do once they arrive. A DJ's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don't let them off the hook easily.Your request is all that matters. If a trance DJ had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next DJ that follows will automatically know every trance tune the previous DJ ever played, even if the current DJ is a house or jungle DJ. It's the law. Feel free to yell Tupac or Biggie!! to a DJ that plays strictly house for example. IMPORTANT When an DJ leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head securely so they cannot pull away.This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly & playful game of tug of war between their head and your hands. Don't give up! Hang on until the DJ submits. DJs are protected by their equipment, & only play the game when tricked into coming out from behind their turntables. Though difficult to get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're especially vulnerable during mixing songs. TALKING WITH THE DJ The best time to discuss anything with the DJ in any meaningful way is when he is in the mix. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. DJs are expert lip readers too. If a DJ does not reply to your question or comment during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to over emphasize the words with your lips. This helps immensely.Don't be fooled. DJs have the innate ability to answer questions & mix at the same time. If the DJ doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this. HELPING THE DJ If you inform the DJ that you are a DJ, the DJ will appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on stage. Simply feel free to walk up on stage & join in. By the way, the drunker you are, the better you sound. Keep in mind that nothing assists the DJ more than outrageous dancing, or a tambourine played out of tempo. Try the congas, they love the challenge. The DJ always needs the help & will take this as a compliment. BONUS TIP As a last resort, wait until the DJ takes a break and then get on stage and start playing their records. They love this. Even if you are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you have successfully completed your audition. The club owner will call you Immediately the following day to offer you a position. See you at the next gig ... The DJ
You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." And New Jersey has always been "Jersey." You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA." "You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women. You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?" (Did you eat yet?) You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne, New Tripoli, Tunkhannock, Punxsutawney, Tamaqua, Susquehanna, Allegheny, Mahantongo, Shenandoah and Monongahela. You know what a "Mummer" is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade. The first day of buck and the first day of doe season are school holidays. You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye. You can't go to a wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least one Polka and either an Italian song (sung in Italian,) or "Hava Nagila." At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long. You know what a "Hex sign" is. You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart. You own only three condiments "A-1, Heinz 57 and Heinz ketchup". Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies", "hulushki" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you. You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same. You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing. One of the highlights of your life was a field trip to Penn's Cave, Crystal Cave and Horseshoe curve. You know exactly what to do when your mother tells you to "red up" your room. You know the time and location of every "wing night" in a 20 mile radius. You don't think people from Philly or Pittsburgh talk funny. You don't understand all the hype about Rolling Rock beer; You've been drinking it for years even though Iron City is better. You consider an exotic vacation to be a trip to Stone Harbor, Ocean City, Virginia Beach, or Myrtle Beach. You think very little of an Amish buggy on the road. You learned long ago how to "step carefully" around the buggy tie-ups in the supermarket parking lot. You can go 2 weeks in winter without sunshine and think this is normal. You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns. There is no such thing as a "Philly Cheesesteak". It's just called a "Cheesesteak." You know that Eucre is a card game and not a form of vomiting. You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know that it comes in several colors: Red, Blue, White, Brown, Gold. You know what REAL potpie is. You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast. Your turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing." You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike. When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand. Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer, and have probably had every kind of it ever made (or at least know someone who has). You know that a green pepper is not a pepper at all but a "mango". You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow." You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna. You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system." You know that chicken corn soup from a fire house is the most nearly perfect food on earth. You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today," and "They're calling for snow." You only buy your beer and soda by the case. You think the roads in any other state are smooth. You know the Penn State cheer, and although you've never attended Penn State, you are a most obnoxious Penn State fan. Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside. You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield. You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva. School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district. Elect pro-life Democrats and pro-choice Republicans for Governor. Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market? Mind if I come with?" Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a whole nother issue." You REALLY HATE antiquers. On Sunday mornings you would scream "Go back to Jersey!" at least once on the way to church. When you were a kid and somebody really pissed you off, you said, "I'm gonna deck you!" You know the expression, "Hey naw! Watchya dewin'?" You know where to buy "Opera Fudge" and that it has absolutely no connection to the Opera. The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been from New York or New Jersey. You love the Phillies (unless they stink) in which case you love the Orioles (unless they stink) in which case you solemnly swear that you've never even liked the Phillies or the Orioles, but have always been a Penn State fan. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pennsylvania
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