Tough been Terrible 2 days actually.18 Days Sober,3 meetings yesterday,none today.They want so much outer me at these meetings. These people think their Fuckin God. Should have never started going. I did it to be on the same playing field as my friend Jennefer.but thats alright she cares about me as a friend an atleast she has me as her new Mechanic,an her being a Single mom with 3 kids an going to school,I have Tons of Respect an Admiration for her.As she does for me.So afraid to desire something more.Relationship woes.another tough subject.Join'd this Dateing/Sex site.I have so much Hurt from my fealing from my ex.Doesn't matter how many times she cheated on me or nothing I still Love her as much as day one.The Best yrs. of my Life were spent with Kate.So hard to let her go,so hard to move on.So now I seek Sex from Married women cause I'm so afraid to let anyone else in to my Heart.I wish I wasn't afraid to Die.I overdosed in 83 on 30,10 mg.valiums.10 minutes later the nurse told me I would have died.Was wondering what 60 xanax might do.put me in a coma,make me a Vegtable.I haven't even written out my will yet.Have to make sure my Fishing buddies get certain specialty rods of mine.I feel better that I put it down.Hopefully I'm not Depressed tomorrow,thinking suicide today,no telling what I'll think tomorrow.
