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Penis Tax

The new penis tax. Don't Forget to Pay all of Your Taxes! April 15 is tax day in the US, so please read the following to make certain that you have paid all of your taxes for either yourself or your husband or boyfriend. The only thing any Government has not taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that: * 40 % of the time it is hanging around unemployed * 20 % of the time it is pissed off, * 30 % of the time it is hard up * 10 % of the time it is in the hole. On top of this it has two dependents and both of them are nuts! According to the income tax ammendment act 2001, your penis will be taxed according to its size. To determine your category, please refer to Schedule 2 of the Income Tax return Form 8 which states the following: * 10 to 12 inches ------ Luxury tax -------- $ 50.00 * 8 to 10 inches ------- Pole tax ------------ $ 45.00 * 5 to 8 inches -------- Privilege Tax ------ $ 40.00 * 3 to 5 inches -------- Standard Tax ------ $ 30.00 Anyone under 3 inches is entitled to a refund of 20 % and special relief as a handicapped person. Please do not ask for an extension. Those who exceed 12 inches will be liable for Capital Gains Tax. If you have any queries, please contact the nearest Income Tax office. Our staff will be only too willing to handle your problem.

Beer And Wine

Beer and Wine As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
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