A piece of my life.
(chapter 1 incomplete)
3 am: Oh gosh is he awake again. It seems like I just put him to sleep. Well I better get up before his crying wakes up his sister. (after rocking the infant back to sleep and feeding him lays back down in bed) Geez how did I possibly get here. I'm 20 with two kids (2 1/2, Sara and 9mo. Logan) barely not living on the streets. Although my life has been a lot worse before. I had so much potential and very high values. I didn't grow up poor or in this life style, but some how I got here...
Aw.. Yes I remember it now. It seems like it was a life time ago. I was 12 and the world was mine for the taking. I was very innocent and well mannered. However it was time for the hormones to kick in. Bobby socks and sun dresses weren't going to impress my peers. So I traded them in for baggy jeans and form fitting shirts.
Now we were cool. We were in the lime light. The loudest and the rowdiest. Obsessed with flirting and boys. We had to be the center of attention. Walking down the halls, We'd have conversations from one end to the other end of the conversation. Randomness was our key. We'd always keep you on your toes just waiting for us to do something new.
No one would ever suspect I was scared to death of my sister. She was a cool 8th grader. Bigger and badder then us 6th graders. She was so (not) cool that her and her friends thought it would be a fabulous time to get drunk everyday at school and then right after school come find me.
I love my sister very much and Thank God she's not the person she use-to be. She would come find me to beat up on me like it was a fun game. She was twice my size and I was submissive. A real bully. All her friends would stand around and laugh. Only when I cried would she finally stop and walk away laughing.
Sibling rivalry is what they called it, but it was so much more then that. I never yelled back or tried to fight, just took the beating. I tried once to tell my parents, but they pretty much laughed in my face. Who would believe me that my sister was a abusive monster. She won every event she completed in, straight A student, A team sports, and science fair winner. She was Almost perfect.
Several months past. My sister was planning the party of the year and I had the inside scoop. I patiently waited and listened to every detail over several weeks of their planing.
The day came of the party. It was Friday and I had a plan. I called my mom from the school midday to warn her of my sisters drunken festivities plan for that evening. She laughed at me! I pushed the issue and she swore she would look into it.
After school we went to my sister's friend's house as we did every day after school. I sat quietly and watched them drug her friend's mom by putting sleeping aids in her soda.
My mom came to pick me up, but of course my sister was spending the night. I told my mom. Again, she laughed at me. I was mad. I was going to get them caught if I had to call the cops myself. This was my chance to expose them of there drinking and hopefully the punishment would stop the beatings.
Yes, success! Around 11pm that night I begged my mom to call and check up on my sister. No one answered the phone. My mom went over there to check on them only to find half the 8th grade and a couple High schoolers drunk and the mother asleep.
I was relieved. It was finally over... so I thought. She knew immediately that I was the one that blow the horn on the party. Her and her flying monkeys were out for revenge. I got constantly harassed and beat up. It was ridiculous. I loved school, but as soon as that school bell rang to go home I knew I had to find something to do for 2 hours before some would be there to pick me up.
Then my parents started going to the “club” almost every other night. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what to do. No one would listen. Everyone who hadn't witnessed it first hand believed I was a liar. “She'd never do anything like that” Now the beatings weren't just happening at school it had flowed over to home.
I needed an escape. Between getting beat up all the time and trying to not let it interfere with my new reputation I was exhausted. Always waiting for tomorrow to bring something better, but always being disappointed.
My parents were off drinking every night and my sister every day. The idea of drinking gave me a stomach ache. I hated it being around me. Anytime anyone at school mentioned drinking I was on the defense. I was blaming alcohol on all my problems. No one helping me, the abuse. I felt like I was in a damp dark hole that had a slight leak of light far above my head, just enough to tease me. I was tired and wanted everything to go back to the way life was when I was a little kid. The beauty of imagination and innocence. How could this world be so cruel. I hadnt done anything wrong. Yet!
I had to find a way to get some breathing room.
