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Courtesy of Bluejacket.com some of the best ways to simulate the navy at home) Have an electrician certify as "safe" and hang a tag on every electrical appliance you own, no matter if the appliance is brand new or if its own manufacturer claims it is up to safety standards. Place fire extinguishers on the bulkheads (walls) of your home at elbow level next to the door openings to conveniently rip your shirt. Stand in your living room with all the lights turned out except for one red light by which you read a small print book. On the hottest day of the year, have yoru local mechanic inspect all the fans and air conditioners per the MIM (maintenance instruction manual) for resistance to ground. When he finishes, have him announce "they failed the xyz and opq tests. I'm required to cut off all the plugs. four hours after you get into bed, have yoru spouse shine a flash light in your eyes and mumble "sorry, wrong rack" SIt in your car and let it run for four hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure that your engine is properly "lit off" empty all the garbage cans in your house and sweet the driveway three times a day even if they don't require it. Have your spouse set off the smoke alarm. Grab a pair of headphones (without walkman) and microphone (without cord) run into the kitchen and stand by the stove. To no one in particular say "stove manned and ready" Stand there for four hours, doing nothing...do NOT sit down. After four hours say "stove secured" once again to no one in particular. Return to your regular business. Enlist a team of paintball players to run through your dining room shouting "Security alert"...at this you should drop to the floor (deck). Best done during mealtime. Button up your shirt to your neck, pull your sucks up over your pant legs, put on a scuba mask and breath into a paper bag while trying to read your least favorite book. Do this for an unknown lenght of time. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of yoru lawn mower. If you miss a week or fudge complete disasspembly, h old a trial and restrict yourself to the house for a month. On six month intervals, disassemble, inspect and reassemble yoru car engine using only a 12" crescent wrench and a screwdriver. Walk around you rcar for four hours, check the tire pressure, oil level, and fuel every 15 minutes and keep an accurate log (record book) of the readings. At an amusement park, fill yoru stomach with coffee and ride a roller coaster non-stop. invite 200 to 1000 of your "not so closest" friends to come over. Board up all the windows and doors to yoru house for six months. After 6 months take down all the boards. But since you are on duty, wave at your family through the front window of your home, you and one third of the "friends" can't leave until the next day. Shower, eat and sleep with the above mentioned friends never more than an arm's lenght away. Instruct 10% of the friends NOT to shower on a regular basis, and an additional 10% NOT to change their clothes more than once a month. have yoru 5 year old cousin give you a hair cut with dull hedge clippers. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
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