N1gh7m4r3 FU Engaged to Cheeky's blog: "Emotions"

Emotions lapp at my feet, surgeing to and fro to an unfathomable current.  A tide of colors rush against my feet to splash up into the air billowing around the room like a miriad rainbow on a summer day when it starts to drizzle.  It is beyond beautiful to watch, and yet all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs in sheer terror.  Emotions laid to rest a long time ago.  Life was so much safer when they laid dormant in the depths of my soul.  Dead inside, but no pain or betrayals, just the fun that life is, the boundless unending array of troubles my mind could conjour with no worry of any complications.  And here I find myself in a place I never expected to be again.  Emotions, ever the sneaky bastards can't be fettered one at a time, its often all or nothing.  They come up to shackle and bind me in ways I  can't handle.  There embrace a soft silken touch, the merest brush against my skin can bring shivers of extasy, pleasure or pain.  They taunt and laugh at me, threatening with conviction they shouldn't have, I can put them down again if I choose to.  They know something is coming... change.  They can feel it flowing across the span of time, like a lovers outstretched hand in the dark, calling, waiting, knowing you will inevitably come. They rejoice in that revelation, at the thought of running rampant through my whole being, free to run a muck, delivering dollops of happiness, or pain as they so choose.  As I quiver in dread, the pools at my feet ripple slugishly outwards.  Anxiety starts to caress me like a long lost lover, I look down into the pools at my feet, as I see my harried reflection, I see the tears start to roll down my cheeks.  There is only one escape from the jealousy, anger, pain, happiness, and the love.  A path I am just as afraid to travel.  And with that realization of defeat, the emotions slowly start replacing what was lost so long ago, my heart once again set in place to be broken, crushed, and discarded. With one final surge, emotions boiling up, erupt from all around me, encircling, consuming, taking over; with my last emotionless breath I  am finally free, I can find my voice, and I finally scream, a primal scream filled with pain, sorrow, and loss ripped from my lungs with a ferocity I had not known was there, I rage at the pain and the hurt, the loves lost, the wrongness of it all, and at last when it is all exhausted, I lay spent on the floor, curled in a ball the tears freely streaming down my face, whole again.

An N1 original work