PAiNTiNGS
I've painted you these beautiful pictures, works of art that apparently always went unseen. At first I denied them and denied you. I thought I was just being an artist. I didn't think they meant anything. I didn't know I felt so much and that it was all so symbolic. I was afraid to show them to you because I was unsure if you could understand or appreciate such a work of art, besides, I knew that you had your eye on someone else'. She drew a picture that was simple. It wasn't much but it was familiar to you, therefore, it attracted you. I knew it was only a matter of time before she showed you the drawing and when she did you would be more than willing to oblige. So I continued to hold back this masterpiece. Paintings, sculptures, and statues I've built in your name. Everyone has seen them and their mouths always drop. Their eyes always widen. They probably think to themselves that I must be insane to create such art for someone who will just never see it. So much and for someone who is just too blinded by her simple drawing to see what I have made. I knew that you were never promised to me, you never belonged to me, and therefore, I figured who was I to shower you with these gifts? So why do I keep making them.
Now you're just not here like before and it makes me wander, had I showed you my creations, had I revealed to you the time and love I put into each color of each painting, with each stroke of my paint brush, the sculptures the models I created down to perfection, the buildings I built, the monuments, the designs, the carvings, the bridges, I wrote your name in lights that you never got to see. I painted paintings that would put Picasso to shame. I made paintings that even Van Gough could have seen after he became blind. Fuck a painting it was an art exhibit. A whole exhibit filled with beautiful, flawless pictures that you only see in your dreams. I built it by hand until my fingers blead. Had I showed you maybe you would be here the way I want you to be. Perhaps I held out on you. I used to be so strong and so smart but I've become so senseless. Senseless as in I make no sense but then again you're the senseless one, as in your senses are just off because you can not see what is right in front of you and you can't hear the words I keep speaking to you. Your sight & hearing don't match your touch. That's why you don't feel me. Too blind to see & maybe even too deaf to hear when I explain it to you. I say I make no sense because now that it is too late to show you I try my best to describe to you how it looks. To tell you how beautiful it is but you just can't comprehend because it's too late. It's as if we are speaking two different languages when we talk. Either that or you just can't hear me. You can not hear me and that is why I write. I am a lyricist, an artist, I write poems, I don't just rhyme words I paint pictures. Pictures of castles, buildings, diamonds and all other beautiful things that make others smile and say things like "wow" or "how beautiful", but not me. It only brings tears to my eyes because in everything I create I only see you & I wish you could see it.
Anytime my pen touches the paper it's you I see. I tell stories I paint pictures and regardless of what I intend to make, in the picture I only see your face. And I've tried sooooo hard to put the pen down, I've tried to erase memories of you, I've tried to erase the pictures I've made, the poems I've written, the visual memories, the paintings I painted but it seems they are permanent. I've tried to hate you, to erase you, & to ignore you but could never erase you or replace you. I've ran the eraser so hard across the pictures numerous times , so hard that my fingers blead & the paper was crumbled and the eraser became dust & when i straightened out the paper and opened it up still clear as day was your face painted across it, flawless. Now it's too late to show you, I have been foolish, & senseless in a sense. So now that I'm coming to realizations I know that if you refuse to see it, if you refuse to listen when I describe it, if you just can't understand it then why don't I stop wasting my time & get these paintings seen by someone who can. You'd rather look at the same, simple, boring drawing everyday. I guess because it's so familiar to you. It seems the only thing that keeps me from moving on is the fact that I have no where to put all of these paintings that you never got the chance to see.
<3 SHARiCE
