I have friends to numerous to count. Men fall in love with me easily(i don't pretend to know why). I have the ability to make my friends laugh with very little effort or comfort them when they are in a bad place. I make friends everywhere I go and people really enjoy being around me. I am loved......so why do I feel so alone?
I am a deeper well,deeper than people in my life believe I am. I have secrets that run deep within me. I even think I have secrets that are a secret to myself. I have people in my life who think they have me figured out. They think they really know me. I let some of them believe that because I want them to feel that closeness to me. I love them.
I know who I am. I know what I like. The problem is that I change from day to day. I am discovering myself everyday. I find new likes and develope new dislikes. I have learned that I am an eccentric person. I am outside the box.
The box I speak of is full of my friends. All of my friends are seperated into different rooms of this box. Every room has a window and door on the outside,but none on the inside. My friends never mix and mingle. I have to walk around the box and peak through the windows at them. Once in awhile they will open the door and invite me in. I accept their invitation and visit for a short time and leave.
The point of the box analogy is to demonstrate that I am not 100% of myself with any of the groups. There is some part of me that will be misunderstood and rejected that I feel I must hide. I love all of my friends equally and accept them for who they are. I wish that I could just find one person who is just like me...that I can confide in.
It is very lonely standing outside the box.
"In my head there's only you now,and this world falls on me. In this world there's real and make believe,but this seems real to me. You love me,but you don't know who I am. Im torn between this life I lead and where I stand. No matter how hard I try I can't escape these things inside. When all these pieces fall apart you will be the only one who knows." - 3 Doors Down-
