now here we go for the 100th time
hand grenade pins in every line
throw 'em up and let something shine
going out of my fuckin mind
filthy mouth no excuse
find a new place to hang this noose
string me up from atop these roofs
knot it tight so i wont get loose
truth is you can stop and stare
bled myself out and no one cares
dug a trench out laid down there
with a shovel up out to reach somewhere
yeah someone pour it in
make it a dirt dance floor again
say your prayers and stomp it out
when they bring that chorus in.
...
Fuck this hurts i wont lie
doesnt matter how hard i try
half the words dont mean a thing
and i know that i wont be satified
so why try ignoring him?
make it a dirt dance floor again...
~"bleed it out" by linkin park~
i cant do this anymore. i cant be in this much pain for much longer. it's destroying me and i deserve it. but it's true, what i heard twice yesterday. i dont know wat to do, this could be the hardest thing i've ever done but it has to be. nothing seems to be going to change for the better, it keeps gettin worse and i cant keep crying this much. on top over that is everything else i have to do, which i cant focus on to save my life. so yea, this needs to happen for my sanity to stay, and for me to remain unharmed and not self-destructive.
the hardest things to do can destroy you but int he long run possibly offer happiness...this close to finals...i dont know how i'm gonna survive this when all i wanna do is the opposite than i have to? it's like killing yourself to live, but if you dont, you're killing yourself even more.
other than that, i get by day by day, pretending i'm happy and everything is ok. no one would think i spend my time alone crying or that my soul cries too for something i cant deal with anymore and i keep convincing myself that everything will change when i should just put my foot down...
i forgot how much pain could be inflicted by someone you love...
