that, my friends, is a face of anger...a face of an ostrich. these creatures are bizarre little sideshows of nature...a large bird with a long neck and a small, angry lookin' face. what exactly makes these creatures tick? why do they always look so angry? i'll tell you why they always look so angry...i'll tell you good.
if you are one of the few who can't see the anger and hate in the face of an ostrich, then you are either blind, a fool, or a blind fool. ostriches are devoured by anger. they're somewhat like feathered pinatas...except instead of delicious candy, the little jerkfaces are filled with hate. i dunno about you, but in my opinion hate isn't nearly as delicious as candy. oddly enough, though, pinatas are part of the reason why ostriches are so angry, i think.
you see, friends, in the olden days, back in milan, italy, where ostriches once roamed freely, children would capture the ostriches, string them up, and hang them slightly above the ground...they would then grab bats, metal poles, and prosthetic limbs and pumel the ostrich until it dropped something neat such as a plastic comb, gel shoe insoles, or a kirby pucket baseball card from 1988...which at that time was well into the future.
but anyway, this lack of respect from those greasy italian children made the ostriches soured and it was one of the reasons that plastered that bitter-looking scowl on their faces for all eternity...oh, but that was only part of what caused this intense anger in the ostrich community...
you see, the name "ostrich" itself, which we humans have used to name them, is another reason that those feathered fiends are never happy. ostrich comes from the french word "ostray." ostray comes from the irish surname of "o'stray." o'stray, of course, translated from english to english, means "no brain." that fact that their skulls are so small doesn't help them argue their intelligence...after all, that cranium of theirs, if turned into a lovely bowl, could probably only hold like a third of a serving of chocolate pudding...that's not a lot of brain power.
ostriches know that they only have a third of a serving of chocolate pudding intelligence...and when you're stupid and you know you're stupid, that leads to anger...lots and lots of anger. that's called self-awareness. thanks, dr. phil. anyway, like the word "awareness," ostrich has five consonants in the word. cooincidence? i think not.
now, i know that there's a few folks out there who still doubt the anger of the ostrich. well, i've got more proof. there's a catchy phrase for anger...it's called "ruffled your feathers." this phrases, of course, originates from ostriches. y'see, at the turn of the 20th century, the ostriches grew angry when folks began, for no good reason, to grind this stuff...
...into the feathers of the unhappy bird. oddly enough, this fad grew in popularity rather quickly, and before you knew it, everyone was doing it...and they had dubbed it "ruffling feathers." the fad might not be fashionable or cool anymore, mainly due to jerks like peta who hate to see potato chips go to waste since the potatoes were once living creatures...however, the memories that our ancestors have of grinding potato chips into the feathers of an angry ostrich....those memories will live on in our hearts forever...much like the hatred will live on in the hearts of those dang ostriches.
i could continue to list more reasons...like how they looks like old, balding men...and how it's easy to see one sporting a combover and working at target...but i won't. i could describe how i believe that every ostrich is angry because they were all a mall santa at one point in their lives....but i won't do that, either.
my point has been proven. i have no need to continue my explanation. those flightless fiends are evil, angry creatures whom deserve to have their feathers ruffled. i don't believe i need to say anything more than that. if you believe i do, then i believe that you smell rather badly.....so there. bye.
