I feel so fucking bad today, not sure what caused it in general just one of those days I guess. I feel bad because I have been a bitch to the people who I care about today and really don't want to do that. I owe them all a BIG apology . . .
I hate depression, I hate even worse not having someone to be able to vent to when I need to. I hate on days like this when I listen to what everyone else has to say but there is no one to listen to me. I listen to every single one of my friends problems no matter what it is or how it makes me feel to hear it. I listen to everyone tell me how much they like this person or that person - how much they want to be with this person or that person - how sexy and beautiful this person or that person is - how they can't imagine a life without this this person or that person - how they need this or that in order to be happy - how blah blah blah. God I hear it every damn day - every fucking day nonstop. But yet do these people ever EVER stop to wonder why I would care to hear this all the time?
Good lord - I feel so fucking pittiful pouring out some emotional bullshit like this. It makes me sound so fucking sad and pathetic . . . I am not a sad and pathetic person . . . I am the strong one. I am the person who makes everything ok, makes everyo feel better. So now why do I feel like I need to find that person? Pittiful that is why!!!!!
Ok, I have gotten it out of my system . . . for the most part. I will move on with my quest to find someone to help fill this emptiness I have found in me and maybe once I do all will be better?! If not then I just go back to being me and having some bad days that I can't just brush off . . .
I'm done now - I'm sorry for the rant all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
