FUBARITES, AS YOU ARE ALL AWARE, OUR CRIMINAL LEGAL SYSTEM IS CONFUSING AND CONVOLUDED AT BEST. CASES LIKE THE O J TRIAL, THE JON-BENET RAMSEY FIASCO, AND EVEN THE PRESIDENT'S WOES, BOTH FORMER AND PRESENT SERVE AS CLEAR AND CONVINCING PROOF OF ITS INADEQUACIES. WELL, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE CIVIL SIDE OF THAT SCALE IS JUST AS OUT OF BALANCE AS THE CRIMINAL SIDE. I CALL THIS, "ONLY IN LOUISIANA" AND JUST FOR THE RECORD, EVERY WORD IS TRUE.
A LAWYER IN NEW ORLEANS WAS SEEKING AN F H A LOAN FOR A CLIENT. HE WAS TOLD THE LOAN WOULD BE GRANTED, AS LONG AS HE COULD PROVE SATISFACTORY TITLE TO THE PARCEL OF LAND BEING OFFERED AS COLLATERAL. THE TITLE TO THE PROPERTY DATED BACK TO 1803, WHICH TOOK THE LAWYER ALMOST 3 MONTHS TO TRACK DOWN. FINALLY COMPLETING HIS ARDUOUS SEARCH, HE SENT THE INFORMATION TO THE F H A AND RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING REPLY...(ACTUAL LETTER)
"UPON REVIEW OF YOUR LETTER ADJOINING YOUR CLIENT'S LOAN APPLICATION, WE NOTE THAT THE REQUEST IS SUPPORTED BY AN ABSTRACT OF TITLE. WHILE WE COMPLIMENT THE ABLE MANNER IN WHICH YOU HAVE PREPARED AND PRESENTED THE APPLICATION, WE MUST POINT OUT THAT YOU HAVE ONLY CLEARED TITLE TO THE PROPOSED COLLATERAL PROPER BACK TO 1803. BEFORE FINAL APPROVAL CAN BE ACCORDED, IT WILL BE NECESSARY TO CLEAR TITLE BACK TO ITS ORIGIN."
CLEARLY ANNOYED AND FRUSTRATED BY SUCH BUREAUCRATIC NONSENSE, THE LAWYER RESPONDED, AS FOLLOWS.......AND THIS IS AN ACTUAL TRANSCRIPTION OF HIS LETTER........
"YOUR LETTER REGARDING CASE NO. 189156 HAS BEEN RECEIVED. I NOTE THAT YOU WISH TO HAVE TITLE EXAMINED FURTHER THAN THE 194 YEARS COVERED BY THE PRESENT APPLICATION. I WAS UNAWARE THAT ANY EDUCATED PERSON IN THIS COUNTRY, PARTICULARLY THOSE WORKING IN THE PROPERTY AREA, WOULD NOT KNOW THAT LOUISIANA WAS PURCHASED BY THE U.S. FROM FRANCE IN 1803, THE YEAR OF ORIGIN IDENTIFIED IN THE APPLICATION.
FOR THE EDIFICATION OF UNINFORMED F H A BUREAUCRATS, THE TITLE TO THE LAND PRIOR TO U.S. OWNERSHIP WAS OBTAINED FROM FRANCE, WHICH HAD ACQUIRED IT BY RIGHT OF CONQUEST FROM SPAIN. THE LAND CAME INTO POSSESSION OF SPAIN BY RIGHT OF DISCOVERY MADE IN THE YEAR 1492 BY A SEA CAPTAIN NAMED CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, WHO HAD BEEN GRANTED THE PRIVILEGE OF SEEKING A NEW ROUTE TO INDIA BY THE THEN REIGNING MONARCH, ISABELLA. THE GOOD QUEEN, BEING A PIOUS WOMAN AND CAREFUL ABOUT TITLES, ALMOST AS MUCH AS THE F H A, TOOK THE PRECAUTION OF SECURING THE BLESSING OF THE POPE BEFORE SHE SOLD HER JEWELS TO FUND THE COLUMBUS EXPEDITION.
NOW THE POPE, AS I HOPE YOU ALREADY KNOW, IS THE EMISSARY OF JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD. AND GOD, IT IS COMMONLY ACCEPTED, CREATED THIS WORLD. THEREFORE, I BELIEVE IT IS SAFE TO SAY THAT HE ALSO MADE THAT PART OF THE WORLD CALLED LOUISIANA. HE, THEREFORE, WOULD BE THE OWNER OF ORIGIN. I HOPE TO HELL YOU FIND HIS ORIGINAL CLAIM TO BE SATISFACTORY. NOW, MAY WE HAVE OUR DAMN LOAN?"
YES, THEY GOT IT
