you drive me crazy boy absolutely mad.
i know its over between us
relationship wise in my mind,
but my heart doesn't
want to come to grips with reality.
in my mind, we're broken up but
still friends yet, in my heart,
we are together perfectly happy and content.
my heart wonders how long it will be until i'm as happy
as i was with you.
i know you'll be there for me no matter what
but i also know that you'll only be
there as a friend as in "hands-off" status
and thats what kills me
it kills me enough to
become the compulsive
smoker i was eight months ago when i started this job.
i don't know how much of this i can take but i
know its not a whole lot
more. i know that my heart
is not going to let this go for a while.
it might be best for a while for us to
stay away from each other.
it worked with me and michael
then again he went to northern utah for
a few months also.
hopefully i can figure some way i can make
my heart forget you and my body.
i know my body misses the feel of you holding me.
my lips miss your kisses.
my mouth misses calling you my master.
fuck. i think i just miss everything about you.
i'm laying here, in your pants
smoking a cigarette about my fifth one
for the night so far and working on a
1 liter bottle of dr. pepper
contemplating going and
buying alcohol.
fuck. i think i need that. a smoke and a drink.
the end to a perfect night of misery.
seven and a half cigaretts later,
and half a pint of smirnoff ice later
you're still on my mind.
how could i be stupid enough
to think that would temporarily
erase you from my thoughts tonight
i hate you sometimes but still i love you
when i said "i love you"
i think i actually meant it and you're
the only one i've meant it to.
