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Metessa's blog: "One Sided"

created on 01/12/2008  |  http://fubar.com/one-sided/b177216

What is This?

I hear your name. My heart skips a beat. I feel emptiness by my side. My body is isolated from your touch.  You are far, I ache. An urge pulses through my veins. Chills run down my skin. I can no longer stay still. I search for you. My feet moving closer to you. You stand before me. I look in your eyes, I am home.  I reach out pulling you close.  The emptiness disappearing. Filling me with comfort. Your touch warms my cold skin. I hold you closer. My body relaxes. I have you now. I cannot stay away from you. What is this feeling? Is it love?

Written By Metessa

Hand Print

Come to me. Drench me with your love, give me your soul. Entice me to follow you into your garden . Pronounce to me that forever more I will be yours. Claim my being; Lock it so no other can tarnish my will.  Barb wire my heart with spikes so define. When I breathe I feel the deep sting of your desire. Keep me from straying from your side.  Take my wrist tie a rope to it, Use your large hand to hold it tight. If it shall fry replace it with another. But promise me, You won’t let go. Own my emotions, So I only see you. If I question your intent. Place your finger against my lips and hush me. With the sound of your voice. Pull me close, look into my eyes hypnotize my thoughts. Let me feel your love burn through to my soul. Releasing a powerful chemistry, the chemical consisting of you and me. Make my body explode as your words of love ring in the deepest part of my ears. Singing a sweet song to my brain.  Seize your opportunity while your ability is high.

Place your hand print upon my heart. Never letting it evaporate. Engrave it in solid gold. Make your smell potent, so I consume your substance inhaling your essence. Chain my spirit with solid metal. Take the key melt it amongst the flames. Liquefying my freedom. Brand me with your name, so other hungry vultures identify my capture.  Make your passion my desperation, so that when my structure becomes arouse. I anticipate your warm fluid merging with my liquids. My interior now tainted. I am yours now. I lay my body down, exhaling my content. You are the man I denounce my heart too. Don’t betray it.

Written By Metessa

Feb. 26, 2010

The Kiss

I feel the beat. It moves to your voice.  Pounds against my will. Your hand touches my skin, time becomes infinitive. My eyes fall sleepy closing their lids. Allowing you touch to travel through my body. A soft moan escapes my lips. I reach for the hand that has so much power over my puzzled spirit. I nudge at your hand, wanting to force it from me. But the pleasure I feel over takes my efforts. Your hand moves cuffing my neck, pulling me into you. Our lips meet.  My body becomes bridle as your tongue strokes my lips. Leaving them moist with your aspiration. My heart pounds, I feel the desire as it raptures through my veins. I reach for you holding your head in my hands. I begin to devour your hunger for me. My deduction of your control fading as my ravenousness empowers me, begging you to be my master.

You feel my defeat, a mechanical energy surges to your brain. You feel the power. You grab my hands. Cuffing them with yours. I try to fight. I cannot I am weaken by your strength. This thrills you, this gives you direction. I feel the lust swallow my resistance. I am pulled in by your intensity to have me.  I collapse my restraint leaving my body weakens. Craving the intense love I feel vibrate from your torso as your body lies on top of me. My legs separate, welcoming the desire you offer me. We are now one, all the anticipating with the kiss now accomplished.  A soft sigh of relief escapes my lips as you move gently against your victory.

Written By Metessa

Feb. 25. 2010

Shadows

The mind is a funnel of tunnels. There are hidden shadows, grizzly fears waiting deep in the shadows.  Tucked so snuggled until they are alerted. They slowly begin stimulating our thoughts. Evading our hearts desire. They work their darken particles into our mind, making us question what our heart is screaming. We begin to listen; doubts arousing, a storm of clouds create a curtain of confusion. Things are no longer clear. I scream “I Don’t Know “I can’t see, my eyes are blind, the shadows are racing to one tunnel and then another tunnel.  I tell you I can’t. You tear at my agony turning your back and walking away. My heart bangs against my chest it screams for your return. I ach for you, but my mind feeds me grizzly confusion.  I sit and struggle with the conflicting forces. The ach for you becomes overwhelming.  My heart leads me to you. Ignoring the grizzly shadows. As they scramble back to their tunnels. I hold you in my arms. Knowing I have you now.  Fears evaporating I feel the intense love, you belong to me. Why do I try to deny my love for you, why do run from it?

I see the flame in your eyes fading as I struggle with my shadows. I hold on to that last spark keeping it ignited. As I fight my grizzly confusion. The match in my hand I am not willing to blow it out. One more conflicting emotions. I know the match I hold will not flame again. The shadows would have won leaving me without you by my side. My heart hits harder against my chest. Releasing agony of pain, my fear is standing in front of me, I am heartbroken again. The shadows bow to me. You “FOOL” !

Written By Metessa

Feb. 25, 2010

Consideration

Waves washing upon the shore
Eroding, taking,
Swift current churning
Leaving a vacancy, lost safe harbor.

Asking for what’s not there,
from a person who needs.
Is not consideration,
but shallow love of oneself.

To lose, is a vacancy.
To seek that which has eroded,
looks not to build, but steal,
looks not to create, but destroy.

The means is to replace,
not ask.
The solution is to understand,
not demand.

To love is to consider,
not expect.
To give unconditionally.

david

Do we know

When were scared and find ourselves in a new place. We search for familiarity. We yearn for the comfort of what we know. Do we stand back and look at what we are running from.  Are we so set in our content. We cannot allow ourselves to experience the road ahead. We know it’s different, it feels different and that’s when we create a wall. Not allowing ourselves to feel, what is good. This is what is unfamiliar. A feeling of happiness, a feeling we have not known. It drives our emotions in waves of deceit making us question is this right. Pulling us from the future we have so aimed to achieve. Yet our memories of the past start to overwhelm us. Leaving us in doubt, drawing us back in to a world of sadness. Can we fight this doubt and look at what we have now and how it feels.  The moments of pleasure and warmth that devoured our emotions leaving us unprepared in our quest of one another.

Now we stand face to face, questioning each other as the hours tick by. If we are certain in our choice. The wall lingering halfway waiting to build incase the familiar past decides to control our destiny. Can we tear them down together or will we stand alone? Will we ignore the calling of the comfort we once knew and open our hearts to the fate, the power that brought us so close in one meeting?  The feeling that ran so deep beneath our skin as our lips met. An unfamiliar feeling polluting our minds, pressing us to move forward. Now as we sit calmer battling each other’s words as we explain why? Do we recognize the lies we are telling, as we turn our backs on the love we feel so deeply for one another. To climb back into the world we are so comfortable in. Will we be so stupid and destroy what was intended for us, while so many others still search for the closeness we so naturally found.

What will we decide? If we shut our eyes, what will we see before us. Will it be our past or will we see us standing hand in the future. Will this announce to us the completeness we both seek? Or perhaps we will choose to follow the path of comfort and live our life in the past. A journey that had broken hope of love. The journey  that brought us to our first encounter. That we now dismiss for familiar comfort. All of our dreams now a distant memory of what could have been. The wall now sealed with cement allowing no demolition. We are now where we so ran from.  Longing for what we had together.

 

Written By Metessa

February 3, 2010

Will You Miss Me

If you were to wake reaching your arm out to me. Only to feel the space next to you empty. Would you sit up realizing only thing left to remind you of me, was the color on the walls? Would your hearing increase? As you listen for movement in hope it was me walking back to your side.  Would you search for my scent amongst the sheets?  As you lay in your bed will you miss my soft fingers as they gently roam down your back?  Hypnotizing you into a slumber. Will my silly words ring in your ears as you remember me? As you sit on the couch alone will you hunger for my body next to yours? When you are hurting and seeking comfort will you plead to hear me say “It will be alright”. Will my now distant eyes burn in you as you so search for a picture to remind you of what you once saw looking back at you. A lone in your room the day light fading leaving your body full of desire. Will you crave the softness of my body beneath yours? When you close your eyes as drowsiness invades you, will you see my image? As you feel my lips amongst your lips. As you walk among the empty walls of your castle will you envision my silhouette for a moment only to realize I am not there? When driving in your car, will you reach to take my hand to find the space is empty? Will you miss the times me lying in your arms as we talked for hours?  Will your eyes begin to water knowing I am no more, but a memory?  As my name spills from your trembling lips leaving you empty inside, will you know that you miss me.   

Would you clear your mind and search for me and take me by the hand lifting it gently to your lips whispering the words I love you. My eyes unite with yours. As I stand in front of you. You reach to pull me close. I do not move. You’re startled your hand shakes in mine. Your lips once again begin to tremble as you speak my name. I do not reply. You grin in disbelief. You came for me, you say. I step back from you. Your hands fall to your side. I look in your eyes , your taken back by the sadness that you see in my soul. I turn from you and walk away.

You hear a ring, you reach in your pocket its empty, you look around the ringing continues. Your view of me begins to fade; you wake to an empty bed. The alarm sounding loud. You sit up in bed. You look around. I am gone. Do you miss me?

 

Written By Metessa

Feb. 03, 2010

 

First

Two souls obsessed by the magnetic bond of two hearts vibrating posse the passion we find in love, our desires taken beyond our reality.Our hearts become undivided in eternity.

 

Wrtten By Metessa

Lost in You

                             Lost In You

 

 

I see your face before me. An inch separates our lips. I feel the warmth of your breath as it flows from your mouth. Your eyes the window to your soul heed my captive, I feel your thirst, as you devour me. I am yours. As my moist palms rest mildly against the roughness of your cheeks the prickly sensation that generates my blood.  I pull you close, our lips touch gently, I can smell your essence, and it compels me. I am yours; my heart pounds my breathing increases. Your hands are upon my waist, you force my body to unite with yours.  My body feels unspeakable desire.  Your hand palpates stroking my lower back. I urge myself to pull from you. I can’t I feel alive; I fear the destruction of my will as you lower your lips to my neck. Control is a forgotten word as I allow my will to devolve. You sense my deliberate motion; you ingest this as me mouthing the words “Yes”. You lift your head, you look into my eyes, you see the yearning, and my appetite reaches out to you. My clothes fall gently to the floor, we lay upon one another bare and exposed. Our insecurities are oblivious we are tied to the moment of passion. I feel the hardness of your gender it devours my frame with a thrust it penetrates my being I am now lost in you. I have no identity I am but one with you. You are my desire, my will. I hunger no more. My soul was born to be yours.

Written By Metessa

Murder Soul

      Murdered Soul                   

                                     Murder Soul

 

The snow had fallen.. I walked among boxes. As I try to approach the window to watch the flakes fall I stumbled..What was this feeling I felt.. Had the cold entered the house or had I turned cold..I hear my heart beat..It pounded against my chest as if it was trying to hammer its way out.. Had I failed my heart or was I just imagining this.. I felt a tear drop on my cheek.. It slowly fell to my chin. I wiped it away with the back of my hand. Only to discover it was not only one tear but many.. I didn’t want this. I could hear the voice tell me.. Why was I doing it? I tried to make sense of my thoughts.  I was killing someone. With my own self destruction. I was murdering a beautiful soul. I knew my heart was protesting yearning me to listen more closely. It was to late I was beyond reason. I needed to follow through.

He approached me..”Are you sure” his head fell and he sighed “this is what you want?”

I could not look at him. It ached so bad. I just wanted him to hold me and make me stay.

“Yes, I am sure” I turned and looked out the window.. Heavier flakes were falling. A chill ran through me.

“I don’t want anything from you. What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine.” I heard the voice in my head shouting. “BUT I WANT YOU” I ignored it. It was to late everything was set in motion. He would find out soon. I had planned it that way. But my head it was aching to tell him. To let him know I really didn’t want this. I wanted him to stop me, Force me to stay. He wouldn’t and he couldn’t, He wasn’t capable of that kind of force.

He moved, but said nothing. He was thinking, he wanted to say something. I waited. The room was quiet and seemed to grow. Or was it the distance between us that was growing. Yet I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I love this man. I could feel the need for him to hold me. Protect me from myself. It wasn’t going to happen. I knew this. I needed to leave. I lowered myself to the ground started  putting books in a box. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I shuddered moving my body away from his contact. I looked up at him.

His face was red. He was dying. His soul was withering. I was doing this to him. He was doing it to himself. He would never see it. And others would never allow him to see it. They wanted him back and I had him. Now I was letting him go. I was returning him to them,  perhaps damaged. Yet he will be theirs again and I will be the one that murdered his soul.

I looked up at him, tears overwhelming my face. “I am Sorry” I hear my inner voice this time it’s soft and sad.  “ Make me stay, say it will be different, say I am all that matters”  I waited all became quiet I heard  no voice anymore. He said nothing and walked away. My head fell to my knees the tears fell with such force. I couldn’t breathe. This was it. It was the end. I closed up the box, sealed it with tape and said goodbye to this life I had known. I walked out the door,  I had murdered him.  He will hate me. I did not feel the cold air as I stepped outside. I was frozen inside, I was dead, the love I felt would be buried. Every nail hammered will be the pain I feel for what I did to him.

 

Written By Metessa

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