pinkpantha's blog: "Once there was a gurl"

What if all the love inside me Isn’t enough to make it? What if I choose to believe? But everything around me is Is an illusion? What if everything I want it? Just a creation of my dreams… And every now and then I try to pretend all this is real And every now and then I find myself crying again And every now and then I am still in love with you What if I can’t make a sound? But I want to scream What if my soul is burning? But find myself afraid to see So afraid to see… What if I had belong somewhere? But I got pushed away…. And every now and then I feel a little bit of loneliness And every now and then I find myself bleeding again And every now and then I am still in love with you What if you became apart of me? And I can’t separate myself What if I know what's worth fighting for? But I don’t know whom to trust… Will I ever know? What if it’s right before my eyes? But to busy waiting for the second chance? And every now and then I would open my heart And every now and then I will believe in this sweet madness And every now and then I am still in love with you What if all the love inside me Isn’t enough to make it? What if I choose to believe? But everything around me is Is an illusion? What if everything I want it? Just a creation of my dreams… And every now and then I know I can’t be with you And every now and then I know what I have to do…. And every now and then I am still in love with you What if I was made for you? Would I be able to recognize? What if you were made for me? But you left everything behind … Can we retune? What if just you and me We meet in the lights? And every now and then I letting myself surround whit you And every now and then I feel close to you And every now and then I am still in love with you

Take just a moment Let me wonder through your mind Remembering all the memories How life treated us so kind. Remember passion between two hearts The desire that lite the flame A flame that burnt for so long Things will never be the same. Just close your eyes and remember The happiness our hearts shared We felt like two young lovers And we truly cared. A love filled with passion Love I felt would never die Within an instant it faded My heart to this day... crys. Now life is meaningless The tears flow so free So much pain and heartache How could you hurt me? Your love will always be sacred No other can ever fulfill This emptiness within my heart I wish you would have filled.

Do you see this beautiful smile? This exquisite, dazzling smile of mine Take a good hard look at it sparkle For this will be the very last time That I’ll grace you with it’s presence That I’ll display it for your eyes to see Because you my friend are not worthy Nope, you’ll get no more smiles from me Do you see this lovely smile? Filled with love from deep within Don’t look forward to seeing another Not a smirk, not a beam, not grin Try to break this woman’s spirit Attempt to put her in her place Then you expect her to be happy Hmph, won’t see a smile upon this face Do you see this radiant smile? Take some time to memorize Perhaps the memory will tide you over You’ll have to recall it from your mind Say goodbye to this sweet smile The one you claim that you adore Now is your chance, take one last look Cause you won't see me smiling anymore

Baby, I loved you Why did you let me go? Yes it hurts me But I still want you to know All the love we made Can never be erased And I promise you That you will never be replaced I loved you, Yes I did. But now you left me Without a reason to live. When I first saw you, I thought we would last But in the end I fell for you And I wonder why our love went so fast. Lately, I'm not as happy as I used to be Because all of the good times Were only with you and me I wish you would tell me What made you cry and end our love I swear if I did anything wrong Tell me, so I can rest high above Because right now I cannot stand this pain And I do not want To die in vein. Baby, I loved you Why did you let me go? Yes it hurts me But I still want you to know All the love we made Can never be erased And I promise that You will never be replaced...

Once upon a fairy tale Was a girl we all know well A princess only dreaming of The hope of finding her true love She searched the land but couldn't find The true love that she had in mind She tried to find him everyday Till her hopes all washed away She sat upon her empty throne Thinking that she'd be alone Everything in life felt wrong Until one day he came along Prince Charming was this prince's name And her lover he became She finally found her one true love The one that she'd been dreaming of Finally everything felt alright She had a prince to hold each night Someone to sit by on her throne No longer was this girl alone But then on one awful day He found Snow White and went away On a horse they waved goodbye This princess was left to cry She knew she'd have to live without The prince she cared so much about Goodbye to love and all the laughter Goodbye to happy ever after

Dreams can last a lifetime, And the memories still remain, You continue to live in my heart, And the tears fall like rain. A love that was so magical, Beautiful in every way, Slipped through our fingers, And we regret it still today. I guess we'll never know, Why things couldn't go our way, We were just too young, Didn't realize our love would stay. It's strange after so many years, How I still think of you, I can see your beautiful smile, And so many nights I dream of you. The dreams seem so real, I wish they would go away, They're just so magical, That's when I wish you would've stayed. Now all I have left of you, Are a few pictures from our past, And I'll treasure these memories, That will forever last.

You hold me close, hands stroking my back, smother me in kisses, which I'm soon to lack. my eyes start to burn, as I blink back the tears, trying my best to smile, concealing my fears. I choke on a sob, as you whisper goodbye, praying to god, I wont break down and cry. I need to have faith, I need to be strong, I'll just have to wait, you wont be too long. you pull away and leave me, sorrow in your eyes, the pain is etched on my face, its too hard to disguise. when you leave, I'm filled with dread, can't help to imagine, you lying there dead. why do you have to go, and fight this awful war, each and every time you leave, I miss you more and more. my life's non-existent, without you by my side, the only reason you wont return, is you'll dent your precious pride. my minds comatose, I cant even think, pushing me over the edge, I'm right on the brink. everyday I turn on the news, terrorist bombs, soldiers dying, children screaming, women crying. please come home, and release my soul, the thought of you returning, is keeping me whole. I pray that you'll make it, that you'll live to tell, the story of this terrible war, thats making my life hell. that fateful day, I received the news, you were gone forever, my soul was bruised. my life ended, my world was shattered, nothing left, nothing mattered. my tears were never ending, continuously rolling down my cheeks I hoped that they would form an ocean, and I'd drown in despair so bleak. I couldn't get my head round it, couldn't except the fact, that I would never see you again, it coloured my days all black. a thousand questions, swimming in my mind, hoping that one day, the answers I might find. why does he choose to do it? take someone so pure and good, but I know that you're in heaven, with loved ones you are stood. suddenly realization dawns, while I'm sitting alone and cold once more, a smile creeps slowly up to my face, and of nothing I could be more sure. I wonder how I ever believed, that we were far apart, for a part of you will always be, forever in my heart. for what we had was special, and in me it will lay, a love so strong and beautiful, will never go away. I hold on to the hope, desperately fighting away the pain, because I know when my time finally comes, in heaven I'll see you again.

I'm sitting here remembering All the good times we've had The times when I loved you Good, happy, bad, and sad. I remember when I used to hold you Safely and close to my heart Even if it was broken and slightly torn apart I thought about you twice. During the day and at night. Everything was going wrong those days You were the only thing that seemed right But then I broke down. I went through another heart break again This time it was really tough I didn't think my heart would mend But then you and me Bent down and picked up my broken heart's pieces together You reassembled my heart Only this time you made it better. You collected all my missing pieces Filled in every hole and crack. And when my heart was good as new I thought you'd give it back. It's true that love is blind Because I really couldn't see You were fixing up my heart But you weren't going to give it to me I thought this was our chance Maybe we'd finally be together Until you gave a girl my heart And said you loved her. I was so crushed I swore my life fell apart. And through out it all She now had my heart. You were the reason I used to breathe Because of you I was here today And everything I gave you You just threw away. I did everything I could: Changed for you, turned my world upside down, Put you before me, Then watched you throw my heart to the ground. Writing my emotions for you was my escape In this twisted disaster My life was far from a fairytale But I thought you'd be my happily ever after. Pouring my soul onto paper Endless night after another Writing about how I wish We felt the same about each other. Say how I'd do anything Just to be with you I loved you so much I can admit that was true "I love you more then words can say" Is what I wrote "I love the way you smile and laugh And how you write me little notes" You were my only one baby. I know that for sure But these words-like all my poems- Aren't worth anything anymore. Crying myself to sleep Writing about you every night Just trying to be close to you Missing you with all my might. All the poems I wrote. The emotions I used to feel. They were worthless. You didn't care. I thought our friendship was real. You told me you loved my poems: My crappy, corny, sappy stuff. I tried to be everything to you But I was never enough. Oh, I turn through the pages. My emotions rhyming in constant flow. Poems full of how I felt. I realize I have to let go. You never really cared. So what did I write about you for? All those stupid love poems Aren't worth anything anymore.

Ever since you went away, it rains everyday The day seems to be quiet with silence And the nights seem to be long and lonely Ever since you went away… Life seems to have no purpose, No reason to continue this way Striving to survive appears to have no end Such as the path in which I was left stranded in The pain just seems to be growing inside And the trees appear to stand still in the breeze The ocean seems to overflow with agony And the stars look as if they have lost their shimmer Since you went away… The moon does not radiate and lust Among the shallow lakes No longer does the wind howl its nocturnal song Which awakens the truth within the soul Everything seems to be different, Light seems to cower, under the rule of darkness And I seem to have forgotten the meaning of life Please come back, won’t you? Because it’s not the same since you went away Time appears to have no meaning And colors look as they have dimmed and faded away The roses seem to have lost their lovely feel And love doesn’t seem to matter anymore Since you went away… The grass has lost its lush The flowers appears to have lost their beauty The stars once again seem to be unreachable Once again… The Ocean seems to be too deep The moon seems to be too far The mountains appear to be too steep And your love doesn’t seem to reach me from where you are

Everything is fading now All the sorrow and the pain Though I still see him there Standing in the rain I keep trying to walk away I need to leave him there But I want to go back to him To tell him I still care God I miss him so much But a part of me always knew That we would fall apart And all would be threw You where so confident That we’d stay together And for a time I played along Though I knew love wasn’t forever You understood me somehow You made my day feel brighter And when I felt my problems where heavy You made them feel so much lighter How I always dreamed Of just being alone with you Having a house and family together Watching our children as they grew But I was too much a burden I bought out your darker side The one full of pain and hate The one you try to hide But it wasn’t just me who did this Whenever you said I love you You’d start to go on About all the wrong things I do You sometimes would bring me down Make me feel so weak Like I was nothing at all To small enough to speak We both made mistakes But you no longer seem to see Your too caught up in the darkness Trying to get free But none of that matters now For you is why I left You believed if I stayed with you I’d bring you to your death So remember I did this for you I didn’t want to leave But I refuse to say sorry about anything I’m not one to go down and plead But part of me is hoping That you’ll come back for me And together we’ll work on our dreams And one day, both of us will be free