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once again i failed

i realized something about my self this week... i shut my emotions off for years and crawled in to a shell... now i cant even connect any more w ppl i care for my closest friend sees this, and now a man i THOUGHT would be able to help me break out of this pattern... i even managed to run him off now... why even let myself hope when all i ever do any more is cry??? it would just b easier if i watched him fukn stab me through the heart instead of letting myself hope as i had.. i really thought he was different , guess not. i am sry...i wish things would have worked out differently, but i honestly believed when u said u wanted something different in your life... said if its worth haveing it needs to be worked at and its not easy... well i tried and guess what i still sit here crying...go figure
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15 years ago
once again i failed

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