jinx1992's blog: "On my mind"

To those of you who have been reading my blog I am sorry that they havent been a daily thing for the last few days I have been working everyday all day and I havent been home. But the last few days have been pretty good. I finally got to talk to my friend Tim that I havent seen since 2010 and I found out that he will be moving back to Michigan and will be living close to me so I will be able to see him again. It is weird though because he told me that he likes me and I asked him if what he ment by likes me if it was just as friends or if he liked me more then that. And I found out that he likes me as more then a friend. :) . But I cant wait to see him again it will be so nice to see him again. Yes I know I shouldnt be talking about another guy when I am supposed to be with some one but that guy hasnt talked to me in more then 3 days and its starting to really piss me off, so I am just giving up on that with him cause I dont want to be with someone who is going to ignore me and not even wwant to spend time with me.

Ok well today was an ok day. I didn't have to baby sit(thank god) and I got a new bed. But I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because I do have to baby sit and clean the basement more. But I cant really complain to much about baby sitting because I am at least making some money. I just wish I had a better paying job so I could save up money faster so I could move out plus I would love to have extra money so I can do other things instead of just handing it all over to my mom(yes I still live with my mom and that is only because of the fact that I dont have money to move out).

But I guess I am single again because the guy that I am suppoed to be dating isnt talking to me yet again. And I am getting so tired of him ignoring me for no reason at all. I mean I didnt do anything but love him and he is walking all over me and treating me like shit and ignoreing me. Can someone please tell me what I should do to get a guy to stop playing games with me, I am tired of guys only wanting sex from me and nothing more. I mean when I am in a relationship I like to wait for at least a month to see how well it will work out and then I will decide wheather or not I will have sex with them or not, adn it is so stupid that guys leave me because I wont have sex with them or when I do have sex with them they leave me because they got what they wanted. 

Ugh my life is sucking some major dick right now and I wish I could find some new friends and a new guy that will be there for me through thick and thin and will help me out with my problems that I have been having but it is like super hard for me to find anyone that is like that. :(

Well today kinda sucked big time. I didn't have anything to do. So I was so bored that I did the dishes and swept the floors and started to clean the basement. But I just wish I could of found something to do so I wasnt so bored.

Oh, change of subject for all of you who have been reading my blog, I finally got a call from my boyfriend. He said that the reason he didnt call me for a whole 24 hours is because he was having trouble with his ex (which I dont understand why he is still talking to her since he is supposed to be with me) and that it pissed him off and he didnt want to call me and take it out on me. Which I mean it kinda makes sence but I just wish he would of called me to let me know that he was in a bad mood.

I jusst wish I had something to do so I wasn't so bored right now. Cause I have nothing to do and noone to hang out with. This town sucks so much it has nothing for people to do that is fun. I only have to do any more to keep busy is babysit almost every day of the week and have no time to do anything else, which kinda sucks just as much as not having anything else to do.

But now that I am trying to stay away from my neighbors because yesterday they were talking shit about me. They didnt even know I had heard what they said till I told them I was leaving and they asked me why, I told one of them that I was leaving because they were making me the butt of all the jokes. I hate people like that. I mean I didnt even deserve it so I dont under stand why they would treat me like they did.

I just need to move out of Oscoda and out of Michigan in general. I need a fresh start and a clean slate in a new town where noone knows me so I can meet new people and show people that I ama total sweetheart and that I'm not a bitch till you piss me off. But right now I dont have the money to move, which totally sucks. I wish I could find an easy way to make some fast money so I can move.

Anyways I think this is enough about me, people mee to start commenting these or message me about things I should talk about on my blog. But so far noone has which is kinda sad.

but I guess I will go for now. I'll be back tomorrow some time.

Ok so today started out pretty shitty yet again. I was just glad that I could drink my pain away last night. The only bad thing about that was that I got really drunk because I was drinking on an empty stomach. But I ended up passing out and didn't wake up till 2pm today. 

I am just pissed off right now cause my so called boyfriend hasn't called me in almost 24 hours which is so stupid.  It really makes me not want to be with him anymore because he has changed so much. I mean before we started dating he would call me every day multipul times a day and then now since we are dating he only calls maybe 3 times a day if I am lucky and we dont talk for very long. So he has changed so much. 

I just wish things for me would just get better because I am a nice girl and I am a total sweetheart. The only time I am actually a total bitch is when I get super pissed off.  I never do anything mean to anyone. I dont start anything with anyone and I dont start drama or anything. I just dont understand why my life is so messed up. It totally sucks for me right now. 

But yeah this whole relationship is so messed up and I thought it would be different. At the time that we got together I wasn't even looking for a guy to be with because I had totally given up on trying to find someone to be with and then out of nowhere here he is wanting to be with me and he was being so sweet to me and making me feel so good about myself. But I guess he was wanting something else and that isn't what I want in a relationship. I want something serious and not just sex. Is that so hard to find, or even give to someone.

:(

Well today fuckin sucked so much. My boyfriend said he would call me back and never did. Then I went to my neighbors to go trail riding with them but I heard them talking shit about me so I was trying to leave but they kept trying to get me to stay which was bull shit so as they were loading into the cars I  just went home cause I didn't want to be the ass of everyones jokes the whole night so I just left. But the whole time I was there they didn't want me to leave and then when I get home noone even cared enough to text me to see where I had gone or to see if I was ok. I am so done trying to be in a relationship and I am done trying to be friends with people. I always end up being treated like shit. This is so stupid I just wish I could find a guy who doesn't want to play game and that doesn't want just sex from me and I am done teying to be friends with people. I'm a nice person untill you piss me off and I am now VERY pissed off so you know what the Bitch has come out I am so done with being nice to ppeople eho treat me like shit. I just wish I could move out of this fucking state and get away from all the damn drama and start all over with a clean slate and not know anyone, I think that it would be so much better for me. I just need to get away from everything here. I mean I dont want to move faar away from my family but I think it would be so much better for me. If I had the money right now I would already be way the fuck out of this town and out of this state. But no I have no money so I am stuck in this hell whole with all the drama and all the fake people who only want to start shit with me. You want to think that I am a big Bitch well hunny you haven't seen anything yet, I can promise you that. So yeah today was a very shitty day for me. I am trying so hard to make my relationship work and I am not getting anything back in return so yeah I am just giving up.I just dont care anymore. So yeah I am so fucking done with all this shit in my life I just wish I could find someone that would help me forget it all so I wasn't trying to deal with all this shit.

sorry for the language but I am so honest and truely pissed off with my whole life right now.

Ok, home from baby sitting and just relaxing at home. Now I am just trying to find an easy way to make some fast cash cause I want to be able to get something that I want but I dont have the money to get it right now. If you have any ideas please let me know. But other then that I am trying to talk to my boo but he hasn't called me back yet. I have a weird feeling that he is lieing to me about being in the hospital though because of the fact that I heard dogs barking in the back round and I know that he has dogs at his house, he just said that it was the remote cause he was laying on it and that the sound of the dogs was because he was watching animal planet. It just sounds a little fishy to me. It kinda makes me feel like he doesn't want to come see me for the weekend. It sucks. I just dont think he was ready to get into a relationship with me when we had gotten together. But I'm not sure and I dont know how I could talk to him about it because I dont want to sound like I dont trust him. I do trust him. I love him with everything that I am but I just dont understand why he would lie about being in the hospital. 

Ugh well today was so boring, had to baby sit yet again which I mean it isn't to bad becasue I am making money but I ended up having to stay an hour later then normal and now I have to go back again to babysit tonight. It sucks so bad cause I have only been home for like 2 hours. I am just wanting to have a night at home to relax. But I cant do that. I miss my boo so much that I am going crazy. I wish I could see him right now, but I cant cause I have to baby sit and he is in the hospital right now. It sucks I wish I could be there with him so he wouldn't be alone. I just hope that he will be ok. He had to go into surgery this morning at 6 and so far he is ok. I just wish I could be there so I wouldn't be so worried about him. I was just happy that he called me to let me know what all was going on, now I am just waiting for him to call me again so I can find out what he has to do tonight. But I am just glad that he knows that I am here for him and that I love him with all of my heart no matter what. 

Well had to baby sit today and that was so boring, I had nothing to do so I just colored with the little girl that I watch. But I have to go baby sit again tomorrow and its going to be super boring yet again and it sucks because I have to get up at 2:30am to get there before the dad has to go to work, I am just glad that I get to go back to sleep after I get there. I just hope I get a good check this week so I can go see Dennis this weekend and have a  good time.  And for all of you who don't know who Dennis is he is my amazing boyfriend who treats me like a girl should be. He makes me so happy. He is the love of my life and I can't see myself with out him in my life. He is the first guy in a long time that I can actuaally say that I love, he makes me smile all the time, he makes me laugh, and he likes me how i am. He doesn't want me to change anything about me. I love that about him. I only wish that we both lived closer to eachother so we could see each other more. But that is why I am glad that he will be getting a new car so he can come see me. And something that I thought was so cute was that he was already planning on moving to Tawas before me and him even started talking and he says that now that me and him are together he has even more of a reason to move up this way. :) I love him with all my heart and nothing and noone can change that.

I love you baby, 8/9/12 <3

Well not looking forward to having to baby sit tomorrow. Really need to have something fun to do. I just wish that I could see my boo ugh well got to go

So I'm still not having any luck with this blog. No one seems to want to help me out or even need my help so I think I am going to change what my blog is about. So now I just need to figure out something to talk about in my blog. Hmmmmm I think that I should just talk about what is on my mind at the time of wanting to write in here. So right now I am just wanting to know what is going on with my boyfriend right now cause he id all over the place right now. He says that he loves me and everything but he also seems to be pushing me away. I just wish we lived closer to eachother so we could be together easier. But till that can happen I guess I just have to wait it out and see what happens. 

I WANT TO SEE HIM SO BAD. 

I want this day to be better. I need something to do and someone to hang out with. But for now I have to go do laundry. I'll probably be on here again later to write some more. 

Leave a comment if you have any ideas on what I should write about. :)