Possible embilishments may occour below so be forewarned.
It was only my second citation to have ever served. I had taken far too little for the job and knew better but I wanted to get the business even if it meant undercutting the competition far too much. Red flags were in abundance; A Jittery legal assistant eager to get me out of their office with only a shrug as to the disposition of the defendant. Errors on the actual address that were I not the most diligent person cost me hours and miles. And finally, the service was in a part of town I shouldn’t to be going to at any time of day. I thought, “This is where the wild things are.” And then I thought, “Shouldn’t I be in my pajamas that have the little feet sewn into them?”
After an interminable drive, I arrived at the address in question which turned out to be the projects unquestionably. Squat little eight unit one and two bedroom apartment buildings right off the ass end of a noisy major highway. The sign said welcome to Woodside but I could have sworn it morphed for a second to Wildside. There was a main parking lot that had little feeder walkways to the individual buildings where everyone could walk from their vehicles.
At dusk the lot was alive with activity Neighbors in clutches of five to seven hanging out, watching half naked children in dirty diapers play in the dirt, discussing the days events, exchanging vials and packets for cash to passers by. Others just shuffled like filthy aimless zombies hungry for something to fill the time and not their bellies. One of the shambling bodies lurched out inches from my front bumper. I stopped short pitching all the items I had on my seats like the clipboard with the police report on to the floor boards. The creature just stood there. Or rather, just swayed. Frail and covered in what had to be days upon days worth of grime the wraith tried to fix his gaze upon me. I looked down to make sure that my doors were locked. They were. But I hit the button again just for the reassuring click-thunk sound the automatic locks made. A long moment passed and the guy still wouldn’t move so I gave a quick toot of the car horn. Bovine, he moved his head and eyes as his body received the electrical impulses of what his brain wanted it to do two beats later. In the distance, I could make out others who had been made aware of my presence by the brief, jarring blare of my horn. Others who seemed to be increasingly uncomfortable at the sight of a car whose year make and model did not quite belong in these surroundings.
I could see the dealers shift behind dumpsters as nods and head movements indicated alerts to the flanks. They were trying to determine if I was predator or prey. I was trying to determine if my decision to buy that Zappa CD over the pepper spray was such a good idea after all.
I’d like to say I pealed out as I made my to the front of the complex where the apartment was but it was more of a little lurch as I stutter stopped from speed bump to speed bump.
It was less than a few hundred yards but it felt farther as I watched the soldiers steadily making their way towards me. I pulled into the closest parking spot I could find and hopped out of the car. I looked towards the men as I made my way up the stairs to apartment #28 and we made eye contact. In that brief moment, intentions were learned. I knew they meant me harm just a surely as they made me for a lesser predator at worst and prey at best.
I took the stairs two and three at a time making it to the door knocking and ringing the door bell simultaneously. An eternity passed as waited for the door to be answered. The troops were at a hundred yards walking at a leisurely pace. I think they probably thought the resident could invite me inside and that I maybe belonged there after all. I gave another sharp rap on the door. It opened. The defendant was served their papers in rapid order as I made a quick scan of the lot for the troopers. They were less than forty yards away by now and looked giddy at the prospect of a successful hunt. I just about slid down the banister and hopped over the last four steps as I fumbled for my keys. A landscaping truck pulled between predator and prey and day laborers came spilling out like clowns from a VW, Tejano music blaring. The smell of gasoline and tortillas was strong as mashed the unlock button the keyless remote. I wrenched the door open and keyed the ignition in one fluid moment that would have been James Bond-esque had I not somehow slipped over shot my seat a bit causing me to grab hold of the wheel to keep from tumbling into the passenger side floor boards all the while honking the horn spastically.
Now everyone was looking at me. Families, day laborers, dealers, scouts and troops all watching the goofy white guy (who was probably a racist anyway judging from his skittish retreat) trying to do a bat turn between a landscaping truck and a wrought iron fence.
quick jump of a curb had me back on the feeder road in no time and as I watched in my rear view mirror the soldiers make it to where I had been parked only moments before. They were laughing.
As hit the button for my CD player it occurred to me that buying that Zappa CD wasn’t such a bad idea after all. My nerves were almost immediately soothed as I merged onto the highway and headed home.
