October 2008
I have come to the conclusion that people flap too much, too easily. Maybe that is the way things work in neurology. Well, I was just checking back to my last seizure and that would appear to be in February where I did a nosedive. I discount the ones in Goa even though everyone else says they were but even so then it would still mean the last one was in February. There was a weird one it must have been May time but that is debatable and I won't argue.
So it is now the end of October and I have had no further seizures or blips and I think that providing I can get my brain to travel down a differing neural pathway then anything untoward just travels there and is gone into wherever it is electrical messages go when they have done their bit to be noticed.
My neuro- psychologist added the number of the this and thats together and decided to keep me on the list as a six monthly patient rather than discharging me. Well, I am not worried and I know stress is a factor in making me unable to concentrate just as when the pressure changes. How you can prove this I have no idea but it does not matter and is not worth worrying about. It seems that it does not pay to be too honest about everything that occurs with your memory once because it is taken that it happens all the time. Maybe I just don't make myself clear. Some of the results of the tests I did recently with her had deteriorated and I get the impression that it was a cause of concern.
Oh, one thing I did learn and that should have been apparent to me was that the typslexia is probably something that will cease if I slow down my keying in order to let my brain catch up so one does not run on in front of the other. This is all to do with getting used to the new ME. I have speeded up physically as well as mentally but even so my physical (typing) out strips my thinking and that is maybe because composing something is a pre-programmed thing. In other words my brain has thought it already on a different plane of consciousness and has not communicated it to my hands. That was an example. I was typing it to and transposed it so the words started ti fortunately I noticed that before I continued.
There are probably better examples and I will try to make one and not stop to correct it as snon as it has occurred. This means just typing without looking ans I will tryi this sot see what exactly come out . I have noticed that when I am fantasising that I am on a derretne plane of consciousness and can typr ehwn I a falling asleep. It does not always make sense but they are complete words. Judging by that sample of typing it is not easy composing something whilst not looking at the keyboard. The brain needs to have a form of stimuli to be able to make sense of what is going on so that could be like the blind leading the blind, especially when it is done at a great speed.
The other thing I was told is that I don't concentrate when I am doing something tedious and just jump in and thus jump to conclusions. I will admit to that and my worst habit is skip reading. I have never been able to do that until now and consequently I need to refine the art of it because somehow I have not learned how to skip properly, if that makes sense. So in other words, I skip read through something then try to repeat it or answer it if say it was an email. At the end of the oralising/verbalising or composing I have totally picked the wrong end of the stick and have to apologise for getting it wrong. I think this is trying to do something too fast because I seem to think there is no time to do it in. Maybe it is because my mind is running on to all those other things that remain outstanding still to do.
My surgeon has signed me off as far as clinical visits are concerned because all is joined and knitted now. In fact it would have been after two years were up.
He did state that if I continued to have regular seizures then I would have to go back in for re-surgery which seems a little drastic but this seems to be normal and not unexpected. This being so, why did everyone worry so much?. My surgeon was not worried about it and I told him that I was not worried either. It seems it was the rest of the world making hills out of grains of sand.
With the worries of the book out of the way and refined I don't really have anything to worry about greatly especially now that I have sold one tenth of the quantity printed.
The final score is that I have had no more seizures and am still on 250mg am 250mg pm - Lamactil.
