Today Madonna was talking about her adoption process saying she went through the same thing as everyone else. The first step in the process is apparently getting a platinum record.
North Korea might be testing a second nuke soon. This one could be more powerful than the first one – meaning it could blow up two mailboxes instead of one.
Experts believe that for the Republicans to have a good election that something big must happen for President Bush, like capturing Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden? We can’t even find Wesley Snipes!
The population of the United States reached 300 million yesterday. In a related story the population of Mexico is now at 38 people.
A guy jumped the fence at the White House and got very close before the Secret Service got him. That’s the problem, once you get over the fence there’s nowhere to go. So there was two people at the White House without an exit strategy.
There are reports that the military is having troubles in some areas of Afghanistan where the marijuana forests are over ten feet tall. I’m thinking just set out some Doritos and Twinkies near the forest.
Senator Hillary Clinton says that she would be in favor of legalized torture on terrorists to get information that we need. That’s bad news for Bill!
Bill Clinton was recently asked about rumors he has once again been unfaithful in his marriage. Many Democrats are concerned with this and have warned him about it. When asked, Bill said that there was nothing to the rumors. One thing we know, when Bill Clinton denies something – we can take that statement to the bank!
Wal-Mart has just built the second largest store in China. It is called the Great Wal-Mart of China.
The Mayor of San Francisco is under fire for dating a 20-year-old. There was a picture of them together in the paper and she was holding a glass of wine. The problem being she’s only 20. I know what you’re thinking – the Mayor of San Francisco is straight?!
There was an earthquake in Hawaii. President Bush said that the government would do everything to help the people of Hawaii out. He went on to say that he considers Hawaii to be one of our most important allies. FEMA was on site immediately. Actually they had just showed up for the bombing of Pearl Harbor the day before and just figured while they were there they might as well check out the earthquake.
John Kerry says that he deserves a second chance to run for president. I say if his wife can afford it – why not?
A number of countries have issued sanctions against North Korea. Particularly bans on importing of luxury items – mainly platform shoes that Kim Jung Il wears.
Did you see that fight at the college football game between Miami and Florida International? 31 players were suspended. Not only were they suspended but they now also will have to take actual tests in college. That’s never happened before!
There’s been snowstorms back east. The snow is so deep in some areas that even Al Gore called off his speech on global warming.
We are learning more about Kim Jung Il. They say he is dishonest; he drinks a lot, and has sexual excess. You know what this means – he could be in congress! What’s up with his 70’s Member’s Only leisure suit? He may have weapons of mass destruction but he still has to use a booster seat.
Saddam Hussein has now been on trial for over one year. Do you realize if the trial was in L.A. he’d be out golfing by now?
For the first time in 25 years the grain stockpile in this country is short. Things are so bad that today Kellogg’s laid off Snap and Crackle. Only Pop is working.
The Army has changed their slogan to "Army Strong”. It cost $200 million. That’s $100 million per word. Other countries are following with their military. Ireland’s slogan, "Bar Fight!” China is "One Billion”. France of course is "Helping invading armies feel at home for over 100 years.
A recent study has found that teenagers use text messaging on average of 110 times per week. 80 of them from Mark Foley.
