THERE TO MANY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ME I HAVE AN ANGHELLIC HEART ALONG WITH A DEMONS MIND. MY ANGHELLIC HEART IS A BRIGHT LIGHT AND IN THAT LIGHT IS A ANGEL SENT FROM HEAVEN. MY DEMONS MIND IS A DARK MAZE THE ONLY WAY THROUGH IS TO FOLLOW THE LIGHT FROM MY ANGHELLIC HEART BUT THE ANGEL INSIDE IS DIEING SO THAT LIGHT IS FADEING AWAY BECAUSE OF BEING SO LONELY ITIS GOING TO BE REAL HARD TO FIND YOUR WAY THROUGH AND MY WAY OUT. THIS MAZE IS GETTING DARKER AND DARKER AS TIME PROGRESSES ON. FOR SOME REASON MY DEMON'S MIND IS TAKEING OVER AGAIN AND I CAN'T STOP IT WILL SOMEONE HELP ME AND BRING THE ANGEL IN MY HEART BACK TO LIFE.

Trembling you look into this tormenting tradgedy gazing into the simplistic mirror image of your eveything looks as if its perfect huh? from far away questioning if you'll have the pleasure of another day fantasising lies about your idolistic future chasing every taste of desire and intensity all for what so life can kick you in your ass just to get a laugh but what would you expect and love is so damn hard to have in your life so why fuck with it "why" i'll tell you why because life is lonely with out your lover by your side you walk this world with no heart beat and no soul your like a dieing breathless corpse without your lover by your side so you miss that love you keep wishing to have that love once again please please come back thats all you hear in you head.

                                                          NUTTER-Z

I've been fighting my demons for fourteen years, And I've run out of energy to fight. The sun may be shining outside of this room
But in my soul it's night. At times I've imagined I'd come out on top Of the Demons inside of my head. And in a way I suppose I WAS winning the fight If I hadn't, by now I'd be dead.
But now the dark clouds have regathered, And I've lost my last semblance of hope. Fear and despair have erased it, And without it there's no way to cope. My life has no purpose or meaning
There's nothing inside me but fear. Fear over whether I'll continue To find life so dark and drear Because, I'm afraid if this goes on, There will be only one last path left And if, in my weakness I take it I doubt anyone will be worried…

There's a hole in my heart not a very big one... but enough When I am with someone who cares the emotion spreads to me and fills me with joy with love and with peace
making me feel like a whole person again For awhile, my heart overflows with the passion for living that the encounter has created... but then gradually the emotion drains away trickling down slowly but steadily through the hole drip... drip... drip...
leaving me empty once more...

As I put the razor to my skin,I feel the adrenalin,the pain is a sudden rush to me,as the blood falls to the floor I see my pain and worries disappearing.I hide my scars in fear of what you may say,but without you these scares will not exist.My love, my life, my reason I sit here and bleed.My smiles, my tears,my heart tares more and more.You deny your love, I deny my pain.The pain I feel when your not by my side.Some call it love I call it suicide.The razor can only go to deep,a person can only bleed so much,but the pain never ends.My nights are cold, my arms are empty The cuts cover up the pain,My smile covers up the hurt As you walk along to blind to see my hurt the days get harder the nights never seem to end I fake a smile and wipe my tears away I forget the truth. For when I am with you it feels so right. Without you I find myself lost and confused. Broken and torn. Kiss my pain away, Wipe away my blood filled tears, I long for you to save me

Being alone is one of the saddest conditions for a human being to experience. You may feel alone with your family, if you think that no one understands you. Often people are afraid to share who they are because they think that they will be rejected. However, if you are not sharing who are, you are not truly with the people you love. On the other hand when you share you true self, you risk being rejected. Often individuals seek people out of the family unit with whom they can share themselves without fear of rejection.

I watched a bird die today. it was lying in our yard So small and helpess, Quivering gently. And there was absolutely nothing I could do. A cat must have got it Or some larger bird,
Tearing at its head And then leaving it lying there On its little side, Dying. As I watched helplessly It quivered once more, Convulsively, And then stopped. And I knew that it was gone. Out of its pain For ever. I watched a bird die today And I knew exactly how it felt…

What do you do when you don't want to live, But you're not yet ready to die? What do you do when the life that you lead Has turned out to be just a lie? What do you do when you're so much alone That it seems like there's no-one at all? What do you do when you're right on the edge, With no-one to catch you when you fall? What do you do when you can't even pray, Because there seems to be no point to prayer? What can you do? Who can you call? When it seems even God doesn't care…

It would be so easy just to give in to take my pills and drink my booze and let them ease all my fears... to sink into forgetfulness the absence of all emotion. thoughts, feelings, actions stilled. no fear, no pain, no sorrow just peaceful rest. to go to sleep and never wake up. It would be so very easy... But because it is so easy that is precisely the reason why I will not take it. I've never been a quitter and I'm not going to start now. not yet not without a fight. not when the stakes are so high Life... or Death.

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. "'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door- Only this, and nothing more." Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore- For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore- Nameless here for evermore. And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating, "'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door- Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;- This it is, and nothing more." Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, "Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;- Darkness there, and nothing more. Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!" This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"- Merely this, and nothing more. Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. "Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice: Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore- Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;- 'Tis the wind and nothing more." Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore; Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door- Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door- Perched, and sat, and nothing more. Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore. "Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore- Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!" Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door- Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, With such name as "Nevermore." But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered- Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before- On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before." Then the bird said, "Nevermore." Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, "Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store, Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore- Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore Of 'Never- nevermore'." But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door; Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore- What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore Meant in croaking "Nevermore." This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core; This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er, But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er, She shall press, ah, nevermore! Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor. "Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee Respite- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!" Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." "Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!- prophet still, if bird or devil!- Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted- On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore- Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!" Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." "Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil- prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us- by that God we both adore- Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore- Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore." Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." "Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting- "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!" Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted- nevermore!