Samantha Rush's blog: "Now I know the rules"

No. 1 Girly-Girl: Give her unexpected gentle hugs from behind and kiss her neck. RollerGirl: When she's unsuspecting, sneak up behind her blind spot, swing to her side & hip check her into the row of barstools knocking her on her ass. And watch out for her deadly right hook. No. 2 GG: Grab her hand when you guys walk next to each other. RG: Hit her as hard as you can on the shoulder, then say, "Ok, now hit me!" Bruises are beautiful...a sign of affection. No. 3 GG: When standing, wrap your arms around her. RG: Get low, and quick, bend those knees...say, "come on, show me whatcha got" & try to wrestle each other down. Don't let her win. If she wins, she'll quickly lose interest - a rollergirl needs challenges. No. 4 GG: Cuddle with her. RG: Slap her ass & she'll slap yours. No. 5 GG: Don't force her to do anything. RG: BUHWAHAHAHAHA! Yeah right like you have a shot at this anyway. No. 6 GG: Write little love notes. RG: Buy her a pack of Swiss bearings and a bottle of tequila. No. 7 GG: Compliment her honestly. RG: She kicks ass, and you know it. So does she. No. 8 GG: When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible. RG: When you hug her, swipe her feet out from under her & take her down & watch how quick she turns you upside down. She likes it on top. No. 9 GG: Whisper "I love you, you're beautiful." and she'll respond with a heart-felt kiss. RG: Say "I love the way you skate...you're badass" and she'll throw your ass on the floor and rip your clothes off. No. 10 GG: Pick her over your friends, no matter what. (Even if your friends call you pussy whipped.) RG: Don't whine when she picks her derby bitches over you, or you're history. No. 11 GG: Comfort her when she cries. RG: If she cries, tell her to stop being a wuss & get her ass back on the rink. No. 12 GG: Love her with all your heart. RG: Bang her all night. No. 13 GG: Pick her up and flirt with her. (She'll scream and say put me down but really she loves it). RG: Don't scream when she picks you up & swings you around and then puts you in a headlock until you cry "uncle". WIMP!

George Carlin's Views on Aging Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, y ou're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 andMAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them." 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. 10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away.

We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note . . . these are all numbered "1" on purpose. 1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: - Subtle hints do not work! - Strong hints do not work! - Obvious hints do not work! - JUST SAY IT! 1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. - Not both. - If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. - Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. - Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches down there, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, REALLY. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as: - Sex, - Sport, or - Cars 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Thank you for reading this; yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, men really don't mind that, it's like camping.