gypsy jezzabella's blog: "Noticed"

Its been along time sense I looked up on the faces of my children and did not wonder if the choices i made was the right ones for them.Today I looked into the face of an inocent child as he lay helpless in that bed the results of noone who loved him. Am I destained to follow in his mothers foot steps? Have I fought this long to protect them just to watch them slip away?

Its been along time sense I was able to smile and feel happy about myself. How can the things I do or say ever change anything in this small but crowded world. If the choice I made today changed the way things worked tomorrow then every thought I had would go to make this a better world that my children may live in.

Its been a long time sense I was able to walk into a room and feel like i belonged there. Its been days, month and years sense i was able to feel myself. to trust my heart and my mind. The voices I hear are not mine but those around me. I hear there pain and there sorrow. There love and hate. There happiness and there anger. Will I ever know how to feel or maybe I have never felt to begin with.

Its been along time sense I sat here and wrote these crazy thoughts of mine. Time have moved so quickly that it seems just like yesterday that I myself was a small child free of lifes most crazy thoughts and of the hearts most breaking moments. In a flash it was all gone lost in the night shattered and scattered amongst the four winds.

Its been a long time sense I was me. Will I ever see myself as I was before. as my body slowly slips into the confinements of time age and deseise leaves there forever scars upon my skin. my minds begins to wonder into the depths of the darkness to never find its way back. my heart long lost to the cruelty of this world. I am trapped I am me I am no more here.