this is probably just going to be another senseless rant, though i already did one earlier this morning i think. but, for some reason i feel like i shouldn't rant on my myspace right now though i don't know why. i always have a slight thought that ravyn reads my blog but doesn't comment or talk to me, cuz she used to do it though she'd refuse to talk to me which sort of pissed me off. she said it was to make sure i didn't do anything stupid or something like that.
i haven't slept yet and i did the midnight last night. i've started to have silly day dreams that come every once in a while. the kind where you think of it in a way that you make it feel real. the kind that always makes my heart pound and my breathing increase sometimes to the point of hyperventilating. just silly scenarios like if i were to fly out to washington and seeing ravyn at school or going to her house with a completed book i wrote and giving it to her or something. things like that are the only thing that still makes my heart race with anticipation and longing and whatever else it is. too many things i s'pose to explain.
maybe it really is good my car isn't working, because i feel more and more like just hopping in my car and driving out to washington. saying who cares because it's been so long since i really did and going after the one thing my heart longs for. it's hard to put meaning into anything i do or believe in myself when i deny the one thing that's most important and real to me. another month or two and i'll have my tax return and hopefully enough money to fly out to washington. a few more months, and i don't think i can remain hidden anymore.. i don't think i can keep from i don't even know. i s'pose i don't have much to say i'm just rambling.
