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It was a regular occurrence. Dad would bring out his guns to clean, and the smell of Hoppes solvent would burn my nose, and sting my eyes -- a smell and feel that do this day brings me incredible emotional comfort with a slight nausea. With a John Wayne movie in the VCR, and me watching with a wide-eyed curiosity only a child can muster, we’d carry on our weekly tradition.
He promised to take me shooting for the first time as a small girl when I was just five years old. I had enjoyed watching John Wayne movies and learned out to aim. It was a large gun, and very heavy for such a tiny child. I needed both hands just to hold it up, even with his help. Watching “The Cowboys” he’d sit behind me and help me aim at the TV . I’d desperately try to use the little strength I had to pull back the hammer, but I don’t think I was able to for several years. One the gun was “loaded”, I would carefully line up the open sights of his .44 caliber revolver with the bright orange on the front sight carefully over Bruce Derns body. Watching Bruce’s character beat Wil Andersen to his eventual death I would pull the trigger, doing my very best to change the end of the movie. ‘John Wayne is my hero! He cannot die! I’ll protect you!’
Squeezing the trigger so hard in an attempt to rescue the man I loved so fondly, my dad would still have help me pull the trigger. The sharp sound of the hammer falling in an attempt to spark a shot was a sharp sound that echoed loudly in our small living room. Over and over, try as I might, the long haired man still spoiled the magic I found in the movie. My dad would gently correct my aiming errors over time, and my imaginary shots at the television grew more and more accurate as I learned to hold the weapon myself. Finally dad decided it was time to show me the true power the gun possessed.
We dressed Alex and Ashley up to come with us. Since they were smaller than me, they got to wear some of my old hand-me-down clothes. Ashley was dressed up in a cute little green dress, and Alex wore my older brothers blue plaid button up. I dressed myself in jeans and a t-shirt and pulled a hoodie over my head. We all got packed into the truck and went for a long drive. Bumping over the road I could see Mt Baker growing larger as we got closer. Eventually we were too close to see it and we continued down the highway. At a small corner store we stopped to grab a few cans of soda since it was a bright, hot Washington summer day. It was the little things like this that made our time together a memorable adventure.
Buckling back up in my booster seat we continued until we hit a gravel road. I’d thought it was bumpy before, but now it was just plain fun! Potholes sent us every which way as we climbed up the narrow dusty road winding its way through the trees. After some time we met something of a clearing. It was a small gravel pit, there was nothing else around but the still of the forest and a soft breeze. Dad got out of the truck, opened the back and placed Alex and Ashley on a nearby boulder to sit and wait. Coming around to my side of the truck he reached in to unbuckle me and set me gently on the ground and then reached behind the seat and pulled out a briefcase. Setting the briefcase down on the tailgate he opened it up and inside of the briefcase were headphones and ear plugs so our ears were protected as he shot.
To give me a clear view he picked me up and placed me on the tailgate of the blue pick-up, legs hanging over the side. He reached his right hand to the holster where he’d been carrying his gun and pulled it out. It had been unloaded, so he slid open the cylinder and carefully placed just two cartridges in to the weapon. Closing up the gun he spun the cylinder a few times and we laughed at the noise. He placed the headphones over my ears and he asked me if I was ready. I nodded gently in both fear and excitement. I’d never seen a REAL gun shot before! I knew it was going to be loud, but I was not entirely prepared for what would happen next. He carefully turned and aimed at his target.
The shot rang out and in a horrifyingly fast sequence of events I saw Ashley sit expressionless as her chest ripped open sending a bright red liquid glimmering through the sky and splattering quickly to the ground. Before it landed on the ground another shot was fired and this time Alex was hit and it felt like slow motion as I saw his body explode sending more of the thick red up into the sky. The gravel pit was eerily silent as I removed my headphones to take in the damage. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Where Alex and Ashley once sat, with a happy smile on their faces, was now just a pile of mess. Bits of shredded anti-freeze containers that had been filled with red jello were laying mangled all around. My dad turned to me and calmly spoke “And now you know why guns are not toys”.
