I was diagnosed with lupus (SLE) in March of this year. I'm 24, I've never had any major illnesses in my life... I had a crappy immune system, but I think part of that is growing up where I did, being so close to a bunch of major chemical factories (Cleburne, Midlothian, Commanche...). I never got majorly sick though... until earlier this year.
Lupus (SLE) is an autoimmune disease. There's no cure. It can affect your whole body (mine does) or just specific organs. I go ditzy... they call it brain fog. I get tired walking from my desk at work to my car. I sleep like 16 hours a day now. I eat like I've never seen food before, but I still can't gain much weight. I'm sore all over my body. My joints keep swelling up, making it hard for me to function like a normal person... but the absolute worst is knowing that you have to deal with this for the rest of your life.
I'll have to live with knowing that I can't have another child... knowing that this pain that I'm in will come back... knowing that this is something I have to live with. I'll have to deal with this stuff by myself... Who in their right mind would want to take on this kind of responsibility?? I'm not going to be able to continue to work full time.. I know that. I've been pushing myself, and making everything worse, just so I can work as much as I do now. I hate being a burden on people, and I love working, but I can't see how I can continue on like this, knowing that it's making my health worse.
My doctors keep trying to convince me that I'm depressed. I'm not... I would accept the meds if I was, but I've just accepted that my life is having to drastically change. I haven't offed myself, or done anything incredibly stupid, so why force me to take happy pills? I just want to be able to live my life as normally as possible... without taking a billion chemicals to make me "normal."
