So, I’m not really good with grieving. I’m not good with any feeling but particularly grief because grief is many emotions, many conflicting emotions swelling and breaking in waves. I hate it. Grief is what overtakes me in the middle of a meal, when I’m backing out the driveway or listening to a friend tell me how well their children are doing. It’s not keeping it together at the grocery store and wondering why tears are falling when I’m in the middle of a sentence. Grief is not particularly predictable (other than in the wee small hours) either. Listening to a voicemail of my mother was no sweat. Not being able to call her after completing my demo CD? Killer. Fucking vacant killer desperate loneliness. I hate it. Sometimes it’s all consuming. Other times it’s almost entirely unnoticeable. Not a blip on the screen. Not a hint. Just gone. And still other times, its all there is: an undercurrent weaving its way through whatever I do. Grief. Not so good grief. Did I mention I hate it?
