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CrazyFrog37's blog: "Jokes"

created on 05/06/2007  |  http://fubar.com/jokes/b80258

Noah's ark

> NOAH 2005 > In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Brisbane, > and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and > I > see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of > every > living thing along with a few good humans." > He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark > before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights". > Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his > yard.... > but no Ark. > "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" > "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. > I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the Brisbane City > Council > (BCC) and their inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My > neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by > building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. > We had to go to the BCC who deferred the matter to Court for a decision. > Then Energex demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving > power > lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's > move to the sea. > I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing > of > it. > The Department of Harbours and Marine insisted the Ark be certified by > Lloyds before allowing me to move it. > Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees > in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the > environmentalists > that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go! When I started > gathering > the animals, an animal rights group sued me. > They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As > well, > they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and > inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. > Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an > environmental impact study on your proposed flood and I'm still trying to > resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many > minorities > I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. > Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to > hire > only Union workers with Ark building experience, in addition to a Site > Safety Officer and a Union Delegate. > To make matters worse, the Tax Office seized all my assets, claiming I'm > trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. > So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to > finish > this Ark." > Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow > stretched > across the sky. > Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You are not going to > destroy > the world?". > "No," said the Lord. "Beattie and his Government beat me to it." >
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