My life has never been a bed of roses and Ive always been told that nothing worth anything comes easy. Im happy with who I am and I feel that I have come along way. I have struggled but that has made the little achievements mean that much more...I think Im a good person and I try to do whats right....sometimes when looking back I think maybe I could have done something different but usually given the knowledge and circumstances that I had at the time it was the best choice....There are times when life throws you curve balls and you have to keep dodgeing them...sometimes I even feel like im on a merry go round and I just want to stop and get off...but I keep plugging away... then there are times it seems like nothing I ever do is right ...shit just keeps turning to ashes in my hands....and at the lowest point when you feel like you just can't go on anymore.....you do..... because to do nothing is far worse then never trying. I hear people say "I feel like a failure" or "I will never amount to anything" ....What really is success but goals that each of us has assigned for ourselves...and who are we anyway in the vast cosmos of the universe....In truth we are nothing more then a blip in time and in the end are any of us really successes ...since we all will lay down our life and die....who will really remember us...Once I lived next door to an older women and I spoke with her periodically and after a few years she died....her children who rarely came to see her were having a yard sale and I saw all the things that she had worked so hard to accumulate to make life easier for herself sold off... piece by piece...her bed...her tv...her prized gardening tools (she was always planting and weeding her garden)....I remember I felt like weeping...not because she was a close friend and I felt sad to see her go....because even I didn't really know her that well but because in the end...everything that we have worked and strived our whole life to achieve will be gone ...dust ....sold in someones yard sale....scattered across the earth....we build our selves great big houses and fill them with things that we think will make us happy and in the end everything we have built will be gone....Yes I have a house...but I have it for stability for my children...Yes i have things but Ive been robbed so manytimes Ive learned not to get attached to objects...people are who matter and people are who I place my value in even though sometimes they can be trying.....so where am I going with all this ....???...I just need to remind myself that Im only human and I am only a failure if I label myself one.
