Rachel's blog: "Rants and ramblings"

Yep, you've got it...it's the next installment of More Useless Products!!!! Butt Paste...yeah, all it's for is for diaper rash, just like Desitin, but...BUTT PASTE? With a cartoon baby just a-pickin' and a-grinnin' on the box??? If you're gonna call it that, then why don't you put a pic of a fat middle-aged man in a diaper and bonnet on the box.... This little number is a couple shelves away down from the Butt Paste: Hem-Swabs! Yep, little medicated sticks to stick up your ass...great, just great. Put them with some KY jelly and you've got a gay man's weekender package! The 12 Drug at home drug test. This tests for 7 illicit drugs and 5 prescription drugs. Illicit drugs? That sounds more like an extramarital affair...how about torrid drugs? Hot steamy drugs? Curl-your-toes drugs? Anyhow, I'm readng the package and the directions include: 1. Obtain sample---ok that's easy enough, little plastic cup is included---2. Place lid on cup and sit on legs--now I'm not stupid, but my first thought is "Why does it have to be on your legs? Can't you just set it on a table?" Then it's pointed out to me that the cup and lid have little clear plastic legs to set it on it's side...now if I am confused about that, what do you think your average crackhead do????? A personal massager...yeah, just a PC term for VIBRATOR!!! It comes with 3 different tips, depending on how much or little you want to get off...I think they're called The Moaner, The Screamer, and The Swing-From-The-Ceiling-Fan. Plus is has a convenient travel pouch...great for if you have nothing to do in a traffic jam.